I lost pretty much all my friend group due to my bad mental health. I lost two family members to cancer, and my mental health took a big nosedive during that time. I was extremely negative, and I think I was very angry and frustrated at the helplessness I had when my family members were ill… I felt it was unfair, and I was a moody/grumpy, pessimistic guy to talk to and be around.
Nowadays, I keep my negative feelings tucked in, instead of venting/unloading a lot on the few friends I have left.
The problem is, I really miss the family members I lost. I’ve been dealing with a ton of grief. They passed away in a very short time frame, as in a year apart. I feel that I didn’t have time to process what happened, and the grief has been very overwhelming.
I’m on an antidepressant and try to exercise and talk to a therapist, but see… I think people around me can tell I’m not happy/positive, and they seem put-off by it. But the problem is, I want friends. I feel very lonely. I think back a lot to the way things used to be years ago… I was much happier, I had people to talk to, hangout with, play video games with.
And people were much more enthusiastic to reach out and chat. Pretty much everyone I had drifted away once my mental health went downhill. I know it’s not their fault, they did what was best for them…. but the loneliness sucks, and I miss the way my social life used to be.
It feels like it’s impossible to make new friends when your mental health is like this. I’m starting to believe that it’s best to just try and wait until my mood improves, as I think many people don’t like to talk to or be around depressed people, since it’s depressing and drains them. Would explain why most people pulled away from me.
There are a few people who stuck around, but they talk to me less, and they don’t want to hangout either… :/
But, I don’t know what to do, because the isolation is affecting me, making me feel even worse…. I wish I never got depressed to begin with, honestly. It sucks.
Is there anything I can do to combat the loneliness and wanting social experiences while my mental health is crappy?
3 comments
Went through a similar situation with the loss of close family members and honestly me and my friends only grew closer because of this. So I’d say good riddance to those that left you in your time of need.
If you’re taking care of yourself, there’s literally no reason not to make friends. You cannot outsource processing grief to others, but it doesn’t seem like you’re that kind of person, so I think it’s a matter of finding the right people.
Maybe look for support groups? You might meet people with similar issues there and it will help you feel less isolated. Once you’re feeling a little better I’d look for small local communities – personally I just made friends with an old lady who needed somebody to carry her groceries from time to time. Older people are great when you’re feeling down in the dumps, because they’re usually much more understanding and can provide perspective on your problems.
It will get better.
me too – is it ok to say “we can talk if you want to talk?”
Its true people find it hard to be around you when you’re in a bad mood, but it may also be because you seem like you rather be left alone. Either way, maybe ask whoever you know if you could go out in a group? You don’t exactly have to be a cracking clown, just be there and not be noticeably negative and I think people will be happy for you to be there. Also being in a group helps take the pressure off to have to say much, and you can just say anything that comes to mind instead of having to pull half the conversation forward.
If you’re on meds, exercise and are with a therapist you’ll get better pretty soon, just try not to let everything get you down at the moment.