a little back story. all my life i never really had friends and the few i had were either users, bullies or just drifted away. i was always the ugly weird looking guy that never even really tried to get close to others. forget about getting girls. don’t get me wrong i’ve hooked up with quite a few from dating sites but no real connection even with long term relationships. same with family. i’ve always just existed and although my confidence and social life did improve i still refuse to get close to ppl. i work, have my own place, my own car, financially content for a single man with no kids but i mostly stay home aside from the gym, work and errands. i have trust issues and lack of confidence. at work i’m social and full of humor but outside of work i’m the total opposite. ig my question is how to break out my shell and meet new ppl at my age whether it’s guy friends or girls to hook up with. i always feel i never fit in cause in reality i don’t.
6 comments
Find a hobby and then find a Facebook page of local people who do the same hobby.
you can’t you are who you are. sounds like you have trust issues, most likely stemming from childhood traumas.
my advice is accept who you are and start being ok with it. i don’t mean to accept you’re a loser and be ok with it. on the contrary, accept who you truly are and that it is ok to be who you are. you need to get your self-esteem up. you need to put yourself first. you need to like yourself. you need to like who you are. by 35, you should have already done that.
after that, understand that no one is perfect and most of what you see is fake and shallow. so don’t beat yourself up if you see someone else and think they are better than you. they have their own struggles that you don’t know about. no one has a perfect life. so focus on your strengths and stop obsessing about your weaknesses.
by age 35, forget about finding love. love is for teenagers full of hormones that bypass their logical thinking. if you want a girl, you can get one any day but it won’t be quality. if you want sex, just pay for it. there is no free sex. even in marriage, you pay on the backend which costs more than upfront.
if you want to have kids, go to some non-western country and find a young girl with low body count that you can take care of but you’ll both know it’ll be relationship of convenience, not love.
as for friends, friendship is about convenience. people become friends if they have something in common and see meet often. and even then, with age, people are busy with work and their families so it’s hard to even make acquaintances.
in other words, don’t expect too much from life. it’s not like in the movies.
your main focus in life should be making money. women and friends go but money stays. and you will get women with money but not money with women.
also subscribe to coach greg adams on youtube to get some red pill knowledge. he talks about women, money, politics, culture. he rebuild his entire life at your age when he divorced with two kids. so don’t think your life is over. on the contrary, it’s only beginning.
Like everything you listed such as errands and the gym, your social life has to take priority too. Otherwise it’ll continue to remain in the background like it is now.
Don’t fret about it so much in due time your people will come. It’s hard society will make you tough as nails due to the selfish nature of others but you really just have to take the initiative with people, if you want a woman just make sure your money is right and it’ll he easy.
Alright so, problem number 1. Is literally is full of “work on yourself” flags. I’m over 30 as well so hey, similar boat.
You refuse to get close to people. This is your choice. It sounds like the reason why is “you don’t trust people and lack confidence.” Why do you lack confidence? I can’t answer that. I can only answer common reasons:
My speculation is you don’t TAKE the risks that allow you develop trust, you don’t risk exposing your most important aspects around people so you never develop confidence IN those aspects of yourself because you are so sure they’ll turn people off.
That’s on you. You’ve decided your reality is you don’t fit in. Therefore it’s true. You ‘ve made a post that decides who you are, you know what the problems are. You are comfortable where you are because you believe what you have to say about yourself is true.
Maybe you have heinous traits about yourself, idk, maybe they are. I don’t know enough about you from one paragraph. I will NEVER know enough about you to reassure you on my word alone.
That is why you HAVE to put yourself out there to prove YOURSELF wrong. You have to go out, try and fail, each time you fail you learn a little bit more about people to try harder the next time around.
Learn to beat rejection sensitivity till the word “no” just doesn’t mean shit to you anymore. Those unapproving body languages all blend and dull together and you’re just going on day by day.
Before any other advice can take hold you have to start with getting comfortable with your own skin. Start by being okay with yourself and people rejecting you.
Keep a journal and write down every positive interaction you have. You don’t have to worry about writing the negative ones down. Our brains will hold on to those more than we need to, its the positive that needs reinforcing.
Once you overcome that you can move on to active improvements towards interacting with others.
There’s so.e terrible fucking advice here. “After 35 forget finding love” and “make sure you have money and it will be easy”. Be careful listening to some of this shit.
Have you tried things like meetup.com for local groups. Walking groups. Day trippers. Movie nights. Arts etc. Dancing.
You say you’re ugly, but look around you. There are a lot of ugly people with friends and parters. If you believe you’re ugly and no one wants yiu, others will believe it too.
As someone else said, therapy would be useful to address your self image at least, and help you build boundaries when it comes to how other men talk to you and pick on you.
As a 37 year old woman, all you need to do is smell good, be a good listener, and be kind hearted and you’ll find a companion as you mentioned above. Be that person and attend local groups and nights out related to your hobbies, and you’ll find your people.