She lives an hour away and I’m working an 11 hour shift, I don’t get off until 10:30pm and I just want to go home. I am exhausted. I don’t wanna drive to another city just for me to sit there awkwardly because it will be my first party ever and she will get drunk along with everyone else at the party and I don’t drink. She keeps telling me she’s so excited for me to go even though I’ve hinted that I don’t know if I will because I don’t drink etc but she keeps sending me her address and reminding me despite hinting that I don’t really want to. Am I being mean? Should I just go even though I don’t drink and I’m not the party type?
11 comments
Just tell her you cant go because of work.
*mumblemumblemumble*
“What?”
“I *said,* I DON’T WANT TO GO TO YOUR PARTY!”
Although more seriously, I’ve told friends before that I’m too beat to attend something, and if it’s a special occasion, offer to make it up to them. I feel like they understand.
If you keep doing that, they’ll probably invite you to things less though, because it often stings a little to the inviter, too, because it’s like a mini-rejection.
I’d say “I’m exhausted from work so I unfortunately won’t be able to make it but I’ll make it up to you another time”
If she argues then you reiterate how exhausted you are.
Yes you should go
Don’t make excuses; you start digging a hole of lies. When you get caught they lose trust and respect for you wondering why you couldn’t just have said so in the first place and avoid the emotional baggage along the way.
This would be a perfectly acceptable alternative:
“Hey, I won’t be going, but I really appreciate you inviting me! Happy belated birthday, I can’t wait to hear about it at -_insert place you generally hang out_-!”
“Mary. Sincere apologies. Can’t make it tonight.”
Done.
“But don’t I have to explain?”
No, that’s a rule in your mind.
“But won’t she be mad?”
Her emotions are the result of her mental conditioning and they are hers to manage.
“Am I a bad friend / mean friend?”
No. That’s controlling, shaming, unhelpful judgment. Human bodies need rest after a long shift and parties are not rest.
“But i feel guilty.”
Great! Free energy and a sign of your compassion. Just feel it, breathe, and get some rest!
tell her what you told us
just say you can’t go, don’t need to explain. If she presses, your post was pretty good for a response
Remember that there are always ways to show someone you appreciate them other than going to a party. Maybe send her a late birthday gift or take her out for hangover birthday brunch?
Either say you’ll be too exhausted from work or make up an excuse like being sick or sick pet or flat tire or something like that.
Tell her you’ll see how you feel after work..then message her a few hours before your shift is done and tell her it was a really hard day and you aren’t going to make it..if the party is really good and she’s drinking, she probably won’t miss you. She just wants you to get out and have “fun.” She doesn’t understand that it won’t be fun for you. I didn’t notice how old you are, but the peer pressure to drink never ends!! I had people still questioning my not drinking when I was close to 50! I just don’t like the taste that much and I’d prefer to eat my calories. Chocolate> alcohol 😆 She will get over it unless she is one of your very good friends who truly thinks her bday will be awful without you.