To lead things off, It’s important to note that I do have an above average sex drive, her’s being lower than average.
She’ll constantly tells me how good I am in bed, and will sometimes brag to her friends about how “he’s good in bed”, or how “he has a big package” *Sorry for the cringe* But if that were the case, would she not want to do it more?
My gf doesn’t initiate ever. If I want it, I have to ask. She will only have sexual intimacy with me roughly 20% of the time If I Initiate. Although my asking is usually met with an “I’m tired” or “we can do it tomorrow”.
As one of the male gender does when unable to find a partner, you handle it solo. The only caveat being that the only time I’m ever able to “handle it” is when she’s asleep.
I try sometimes but will typically wake her up to a, “can you stop, you’re shaking the bed”. I can’t do it anywhere else as we have roommates.
My current situation leaves me sexually frustrated, and I’m struggling to not find myself looking to other women. I obviously don’t want to cheat, and I need advice.
How can I communicate to her in a way that gets my needs fulfilled, and doesn’t make her feel forced/obligated to have sex with me.
I’m content with the outcome being either :
A) She starts initiating
B) She reciprocates my advances more frequently
C) She vacates the room when I need release
D) Multiple of the above
4 comments
The sooner you realise that she’s not there to fulfil your needs, the better off you will be. She doesn’t owe you sex. Perhaps you need to find someone better suited to your sex drive if you can’t accept her the way she is. And she deserves someone who isn’t trying to find suggestions as to how to get her to put out when she’s already made it clear that she doesn’t want it.
20% of the time isn’t exactly a good variable to go of off. Because you could ask 5 times a day and she could say no 4 of the 5 times you asked.
You do say you know you have different sex drives. But just because she says you’re good doesn’t mean she wants it more. You say she doesn’t even initiate.
What do you do to be intimate? Do you just ask her outright for sex? Do you make her feel good and attractive? Are you respectful of her? Do you make her feel appreciated and valued? Does everything the two of you engage in somehow become sexual?
I’m going to assume you don’t communicate well since you’re here.
Her cycle, hormones, mental state, and feelings towards you can all affect her. She could also just be asexual. Reddit users can only hypothesize, your girlfriend is the one who will give you the actual answer.
You aren’t going to change her sex drive. Just not how it works. You want solutions on how to change hers but have you thought about how to adjust yours? Seriously…some people are just incompatible.
Talk to her about this… if you don’t match up after, then you are just incompatible ..
You both are young and have plenty of time to find the right partner.
> To lead things off, It’s important to note that I do have an above average sex drive, her’s being lower than average.
Use both your heads and read the writing on the wall. You are going to be very frustrated by this throughout the relationship.
I’d suggest looking for someone who also has a higher libido.
> My gf doesn’t initiate ever. If I want it, I have to ask.
I don’t suggest dating someone who never desires you. Been there done that 👎.
> I’m content with the outcome being either :
> A) She starts initiating
Probs not gonna happen Bob.
> B) She reciprocates my advances more frequently
See above
> C) She vacates the room when I need release
Gonna have to talk to her about all these things. Do you have a private bathroom?