I met up with this guy from Tinder, we had just flirted but nothing more than that.
We met up, started making out as we were on the walk. We went somewhere more private and he started fingering me, I started giving him a handjob but then he grabbed my throat and choked me and pulled me towards to kiss him.
He choked me pretty strongly, I got
scared.
We hadn’t talked anything about such stuff.
19 comments
Of course that’s a red flag
What he did is 100% unacceptable. Get away from him. Under civil law in USA, he committed an assault and battery. Two intentional torts. He put you in fear of an offensive or unwanted physical contact and then actually made the offensive/unwanted contact. There was no consent. The law enforcement folks in your jurisdiction (country and state/province) can sort out if this is a sexual assault, but it likely is. There are sexual assault organizations that exist specifically to help you when something like this happens. I would contact a local organization and let them help you on how to address this. This person may have other complaints against him, and perhaps worse than what happened to you.
Big red flag in my book
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wtf. yes, get out of there honey.
Yes. Major red flag. This is why I ALWAYS have an open discussion about limits and preferences before putting hands on a woman. Everyone should be doing that, especially when it comes to more rough acts.
“But women don’t like when you ask first.” Wrong. Consent and open discussion can be very sexy if you do it right (with confidence).
The likely scenario is that he has seen a lot of rough acts in porn and/or has had positive experiences with rough sex in the past and now believes that because some women liked it, ALL future women will like it. I know from experience because I used to think that myself when I was younger. My first 4 partners were very into choking/slapping. My 5th was not and I found out the hard/stupid way. I was luckily forgiven and it never happened again. And now I always prioritize having those conversations and making sure potential partners feel safe and comfortable. That HAS to be priority #1.
Not making excuses for him or anything. What he did is assault.
That’s just horrible. YES.
I’m pretty well into my fifties. I’m very sexually active (my wife & I swing), so it’s not like I’m living under a rock, and I gotta ask: where did this come from? Even ten years ago, choking was kind of a niche fetish thing you seldom heard about.
That’s a vibrant ass red flag.
Yes. A big one.
Was his name Jian Ghomeshi?
Its porn. He seen it, wanted to try it because the porn scenes show it, and hes thinking thats what women actually like. Talk about it. With him. Explain that isnt for you, if you think there is any future with him
Yes
He didn’t ask or consent, so of course it’s a red flag. And coming from a kink community, we discuss first.
A co worker of my husband confided in him that she was on a first date with a guy and it was going well so she invited him back to her place. Prior to that, when asked if she likes “rough sex” she said yes.
This man beat the living crap out of this poor woman. She was so embarrassed and blamed herself for not being more clear and is now terrified to date.
Choking is a HUGE red flag and you should not ignore it. It was not consensual and who knows what he has in mind for the next time if there is one.
Yes. I hate when people do this. It shows a terrifying lack of regard for my consent or lack thereof.
Huge red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Look there’s room for spontaneous acts in the bedroom (gently tugging on hair, kissing them in other places, using a new motion when giving oral or using hands) but anything potentially harmful should be discussed beforehand. You can always discuss things and both come to an agreement during non sexy time and then when it’s time…you can bust out these new things to try so it’s still spontaneous (but please research anything regarding bdsm first that you want to try in order to practice it safely especially if it is involving your circulation)
This guy may be too inexperienced to realize that and if you are still interested in him, have a conversation about it. Say this is how I like to approach sex and it’s a deal breaker if you don’t respect my boundaries.
Stevie wonder could see how red that flag is.
Yes, it’s a fucking red flag. Even if you enjoy being choked, that’s something that needs to be talked about before. Usually people build up trust before engaging in BDSM or rough sex like that.