[All the girls he mentioned are before he met me btw]
Last night my husband started drinking. He kept wanting me to drink with him but I decided against it. After a few shots of whiskey, a bottle of wine, a few beers, and desperately searching for more around the house, he sat down on the couch with me and began telling me way too much information. He’s told me before that he’s done bad things that he could never tell me about, but it was so nonchalant I didn’t think too much of it. He wouldn’t tell me when I asked so I just let it go. Anyway, he starts going on and on about girls he’s had sex with. The first girl who took his virginity when he was 15 and she was 21. Illegal and concerning to say the least but he was proud of it. Saying she leveled him up and he was glad. I get that as a kid it’s cool to have sex with someone older, like I get that mindset but it just put me off hearing him brag about it in great detail. I gave him looks like please stop talking or very disgusted looks but he kept going. Then went on saying he’s had sex with several girls. He called one very beautiful, very very beautiful. And one girl was a missed opportunity. How he met up with girls on dating sites to hook up. Then what really surprised me was how he admitted to having sex with over 10 prostitutes! Saying he went to a sex house whatever the heck that is. He had kept this all a secret from me. Whenever I asked about his past relationships he would only bring up the woman he has a kid with and girls he dated in school. His excuse was that he only saw those prostitutes and other girls who he didn’t date as vaginas and something to get him off.
We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary for our marriage about a week ago and here he goes with this stuff I just hated to hear. He’s 27 and I’m 21 (22 next month). He was my first…well first everything. I said it hurt hearing him talk so highly of other girls and now he’s saying he wished he never did any of that and that I was his first but he just…ugh. I feel so put off. Like very very very put off. I’ve been told you can’t really hate on somebody for their past relations because that was before they met you but geez. He’s has sex with like 20 girls…
9 comments
The drunk hubby sure knows how to sour a 1yr anniversary..sheesh. As u already know its his past and all of his exploits happened before he met you so its kinda hard to hold it against him. But if you feel as tho this is something you can’t get past then I’d suggest therapy.
You can’t hate on his past that was before you. Also you are very young. To you 20+ people are alot because you only had the one. But remember he is 27. The the women he has been with a consensual, I wouldn’t think too much of it. It’s going to kill you. He choice you for a reason.
I’d be more bothered about how he truly views sex than his actual number. Does he truly see nothing wrong with a 15 year old sleeping with a 21 year old? Does he truly view those other women as vaginas that just got him off? You got married at 20, when did y’all start dating?
A podcast that helped me is called beyond bitchy mastering the art of boundaries. You can’t do anything about the past but the fact that he omitted pertinent information about his past sexual history is a small red flag for me. It sounds like something about what happened is bothering you and I would suggest you process your feelings. Then examine what happened and what you would like going forward. The podcast I mentioned explains a 5 step process of setting boundaries. Your feelings are valid. Please listen to your intuition and take care is yourself.
This kinda feels like sabotage. Like he was trying to make you revolted by him because of fucked up issues he has that are hidden when he’s sober. Idk.
How often do you get tested for STDs? Did he get tested before you slept together the first time ? All this non-disclosure bs pissed me off because sleeping with strangers, moral or immoral, is DANGEROUS. And the people you then sleep with are at risk, especially if they didn’t get the chance to make an informed decision about they’re health because someone wouldn’t disclose. Or worse, lied. PROSTITUES. Dang dude. I’m sorry op. It hasn’t been long and anything you could have gotten could possibly be treated hopefully.
I’m wondering if he decided to throw his crap out on you to see if you would still accept him. Sometimes when we have hangups or when we have stuff in our past that bothers us (or even that were ashamed of) we want to know the one closest to us still loves and accepts us despite that. Sometimes it can be a “test” even if a subconscious one. It possibly could be that. Just a thought.
Sounds like he has a drinking problem.
If you don’t think you can get over it I suggest you get some counseling if your want your marriage to continue.