Me and my gf of 2 years moved in together this year and the more i think the more i feel confused about how our future looks together. We’re in our late 20s. I really love her but I’m not getting enough time to do the things that I want to do that help me relax and often feel like I can’t do my own stuff comfortably without it affecting her in some way. Sometimes she gets mad or annoyed or emotional when I do something that I want do that doesn’t include her, example: being on my computer. Outside from that we’re basically always hanging out but I often feel like our time is spent tending to how she’s feeling and is quite emotionally volatile which is very draining for me as i want to comfort her. Finally, I can see myself having children at some point in my life way down in the future and she is incredibly against it for the most part but sometimes she flip flops with a maybe? Any advice?
3 comments
Sounds like your girlfriend is clingy. She doesn’t seem to understand that happy boyfriend means happy relationship. It is 10000000000000% normal for couples to do things separately and have their own separate interests and not spend 24/7 together. It’s also not great that you spend time doing what SHE wants to make her happy but she seems incapable or unwilling to let you do things that you enjoy. It sounds unbalanced and she sounds very needy.
You should NEVER feel bad for having your own interests or wanting time to game online or whatever. My partner and I spend time apart often (we live together and have been together over a decade). I encourage her to go out with her friends, go hiking and biking, do things that make her happy. I hang out with my own friends, do things that make me happy. We also have joint interests which we do and enjoy together. You are still your own independent person that you bring to the relationship. You don’t morph into one person.
Tell her you need this. Encourage her to do her own thing. If she’s unwilling and insists it’s her way or the highway, I think you should consider the highway.
You two shouldn’t be spending all your time together. That’s very unhealthy. You should be spending maybe a few hours together a day max, and some days none doing your own things.
If she’s emotionally votile, that’s not a good environment to raise kids in. If she’s “incredibly” against it, there’s no point in you staying if you really want children. A “maybe” is an injustice to the kids.
When you’re hanging out, do you always just do things she wants to do, and do you ever do things you want to do?