Wife’s recently graduated brother is staying with us for free for 2 months, basically just sleeps, sits on phone all day, I think he’s in a depression, can I give him household tasks to keep busy?

5 comments

1. People who are depressed often struggle with household tasks, so I don’t think giving him chores is a good idea – I imagine he’d take it personally too – it could easily come across as passive aggressive. If you’re actually concerned he might be depressed – do some research on the best ways to help, maybe encourage your wife to have a conversation with him, maybe encourage him to come on a family walk – if he’s depressed, he’ll need support. It would also be good to know what the plan is after the 2 months, does he have a job lined up? Or something else?

2. If you think he is depresses maybe step one would be to just talk to him and see if he opens up to you, and sew qhat you can do to help him. I think if I was depressed and someone asked me to clean out the fridge I would not be very receptive and it would make me feel crappier. Maybe start off with talking to him and then asking him to do chores with you so you can talk some more and connect some. If that goes well them throw out the occasional, “Hey, it would be so helpful and we would really appreciate it if you could do ‘XYZ’ today/tomorrow” and go from there.

   If he is really depressed though and you have any fears he may hurt himself please make that your #1 priority, encourage him to call 988, or call yourselves.

   Best of luck.

3. I think it’s acceptable to ask but you need to be on the same page as your wife before doing so or it’ll blow up on you.

4. More context?

5. I
   Wouldn’t do
   Chores I
   Would do take you to my work, take you out to less stress places and talk. I would become his mentor if you care.

   If you thing he is actually depressed, honey he is sick would you not take him to the er for a broken bone? There is no difference. He needs love guidance and professional help.

   You have the power to save him to make him well, after all you are male.

   At this point you have zero idea what f’d up shit happen. To make him shut down and check out.

   I’m impressed by your willingness to help and protect your core from possible lazy jerk. It’s wow.

   But i implore you to be his mentor to find out what really happened. To help set him
   On the right path,