I guess this is more of a follow up on my previous post. I have constantly been told and read that to have better social relationships, you should put in the effort; talk to people, be friendly, putting myself out there. I’ve done all of this and still do, but I honestly feel drained. I wish people will also go out their ways to talk to me, not that is doesn’t happen, but it’s always in a casual kind of way like, not in a meaningful way like trying to befriend me for example. I wish I had a better social circle and have been working on it for a long time but I’m feeling drained and wish people will pour into my cup as much as I poured into others.
To give more perspectives, I’ve been talking to this girl and our conversations are always small talks. Whenever she sees me she says hi but never really try to strike any kind of conversation (she’ll talk to me if I do) yet I see her go up to talk to people she’s just met too. I’m attending this summer program we’re no one knew each other really well before and this is one example among many that has been happening to me :\
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Think about it this way. You want people to text/invite/connect with you, which is fine. But why should people text/invite/connect with you ? The truth is people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring to your interactions. In other words, there has to be a clear, unique, and convincing reason for people to reach out to you. People gather this from the quality of conversations you have with them. You reaching out or knowing them for a long time isn’t simply enough for them to reach out to you. You have to genuinely connect with them in person, be confident in expressing yourself in person, and bring positive vibes. Even better, find ways to add to people’s lives. Maybe you have a skill, hobby, or talent that aligns with people’s interests. Let them know about it. Offer to help people in some aspect of life. People respect those who impact their lives.
In general, people are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation. They gravitate towards somebody who is self confident and well-rounded in life. You need to focus on becoming genuinely busy in life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while learning how to interact with other people on the side. Find something you enjoy doing or are passionate for and keep doing it overtime. Find groups in your area who are also pursuing the same thing. Chase excellence, not people.