My husband and I have been together almost 10 years and lately I’ve been struggling with feeling lonely. My husband isn’t 100% invested in our marriage anymore but I want our family to work so we are trying counseling. I constantly feel like I am annoying him if I ask for more time together. I feel alone, like I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I’ve tried to bring up my concerns to him but he brushed it off, something I’ll bring up in counseling. I don’t know how I can fix this.
4 comments
INFO – Do you have outside friends and interests separate to your husband and family?
You can’t fix this by yourself, your husband has to put in the same effort into the relationship to make it last and be strong.
In the marriage workshop we were apart of they told us to focus on ourselves because if we can be a happy individual it makes having a happy marriage even easier.
Be careful where you look for acceptance because sometimes it can be a trap into something that can break your marriage.
I hope the marriage counselor is trained in Gottman theory
What do you mean when you say he isn’t 100% invested in your marriage anymore?
How does that manifest itself?
Hello there! What was your relationship and communication like before you moved? Moving is a big adjustment in any relationship and I don’t want to excuse your husband’s behavior but maybe he is facing stress and rather than dealing with it in a constructive way, he is impatient and unappreciative of you.
Have you tried telling him how his actions have hurt you? Additionally, this may sound counterintuitive but have you tried telling your husband some things that you appreciate about him? If he knows you support him, hopefully he will realize how that feels and how important it is for you to feel his support. If it is difficult to have this type of conversation, you can try writing it in a letter and sharing it with him.
It’s great you have been going to couple’s counseling. Have you tried going to individual counseling as well? A professional may be able to help you come up with strategies as to how to address these issues.
In the meantime, make sure to try and take some time to take care of yourself! If you aren’t happy and healthy, it will be that much more difficult to cope with any challenges you are facing. Are there any local women’s groups such as at a rec center or a church that you could go to? That may give you some time to share your feelings with others and also help you feel more connected in your new community.
I am hoping for the best for you and your family!