My [31M] Bf and I [32F] were having a frequent fights and mini breakups for more than a month now.
We started 6 months ago where I was his number 2 ( I didn’t know he’s with someone else at that moment). As soon as I knew I confronted him, and not long enough, his ex gf knew about my existence as well. So 10 days into dating he broke up with her.
During the interim we were extremely happy and very comfy with each other…
Not until 4 months into dating, when his ex gf messaged me..
1st lie he told me: He broke up with her and told everything about us, and her ex was fully aware that he will pursue whatever we have…
I learned from his ex that he admitted my existence BUT DENIED his feelings for me, and he told her that he won’t pursue us ( his ex gf gave me a screenshot of their breakup convo) its true that my bf ended things with her, but denied me as well.
I confronted him and he told me that he did those things for convenience, for easy way out.
The next lies were all about him trying to cover up his past…
During our “getting to know stage” I asked him if he slept/flirted with someone who is in the same workplace with us… he denied having one. I also asked if he had cheating issues… he denied ofc. Then I found out that he hooked up with one of his workmates for a year while his with 2 other girls (1st girl started 2019 til late 2021 no label, just exclusively dating, and 2nd girl which is his recent ex gf started late 2020 til early 2022, at first they were just flings, then became official for the last 4 months of their relationship) and a lot of flirty aggressive convos with other girls both from the same workplace and not.
Felt betrayed with those things though it happened way past our relationship.
He told me that he’s trying to cover up his past because he was afraid that he might lose me.
He’s not the type of guy who wants commitment, but he asked me to commit with him (early on our relationship)…🥲
TLDR: Can’t take any form of lies, but most of those lies happened way past our relationship. Should I continue? Or should I end things with him? The only lie he did was when he denied us, and denied pursuing me to his ex gf (since there’s a 10 days overlap, when he was breaking up with her for an easy way out, less drama breakup). Other lies he did was to create an image of a “clean guy” so that I won’t lose my interest early on our relationship.
Should I give him a chance, or move on and focus on my career?
9 comments
A white lie is hiding a surprise party. These are just straight up lies. Do you want to be with a liar?
It doesn’t matter what his excuses are for lying, he is a liar. You’ll never really be able to trust him. That’s not the basis for a healthy relationship.
I would dump him. You haven’t been with him very long, and yet you have big problems and he has been dishonest. But the real deal-breaker for me would be his motive He “was afraid that he might lose you”. So, he outright told you that he will lie to you to tell you what you want to hear, so that you don’t get to have a fair and informed choice of whether or not you want to be with him. That is one of the most toxic motives he could have had for lying to you. He didn’t even have an excusable motive.
None of those are “white” lies. They are just good old fashioned selfish manipulative lies. I think you may not have the right definition of the term.
He was cheating when you got together? And that was okay with you as long as he chose you over the ex? And you know he regularly cheated/slept around with multiple partners? You think he is just not gonna do that anymore?
Fighting and mini break ups? It’s only been six months! The whole thing sounds like a wreck! What are you doing? Yes you should end it!
I don’t know why your still there or why you started in the first place! Read your post out loud to yourself. Does any of it sound healthy or worthwhile?
“Not the type of guy who wants commitment” he was in 2 relationship at once. Yay okay.
This is deceit, not white lies. He lied about who he was in order to trick you into becoming emotionally involved with him.
Ugh it just kept getting worse the further I read.
There can be an “understandable” overlap in meeting someone new at the end of a relationship. It should be done by breaking up with 1 before pursuing the next. But this is just a guy who cheats on everyone he’s been with and lies so that he doesn’t have to deal with the consequences. Now that you have feelings and invested half a year, your willing to out up with this crap? Leave now. It will only get worse.
One sentence in, gonna go with “Yes.”
Skipped to TL/DR, gonna upgrade to a hard “Yes.”
The fact he was cheating with you during the beginning of the relationship and hid his ex should have been enough of a red flag that this guy can’t be trusted. Remember, if they cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you.
> He told me that he’s trying to cover up his past because he was afraid that he might lose me.
His past? He was cheating from the start of your relationship, that’s not the past…
> I also asked if he had cheating issues… he denied ofc.
He was cheating with you!
> Then I found out that he hooked up with one of his workmates for a year while his with 2 other girls
So he has zero problems leading girls on as long as he can get them to trust him and sleep with him…
> He’s not the type of guy who wants commitment, but he asked me to commit with him (early on our relationship)….
Come on, now. He’s telling you what you want to hear so you’ll feel “special” just so he can sleep with you. Do you not understand he has shown multiple times that he is perfectly okay with leading women on?
You need to dump him, fast. And then you need to do some introspection to see why you feel you deserve to be in such a toxic relationship with a habitual cheater. Please love yourself more.
Go ahead and stay with him…. your question is going to be answered soon enough.
he’s not the guy you thought he was. You thought he was a better person than he really is becasue he lied to you. He deliberately withheld the truth from you, denying you the opportunity to make your own choices with adequate and correct information.
he’s a liar, dump him.
Sorry but I haven’t even finished your story but already realized your bf is a cheater and a liar. You better off with someone better girl.