I am 35yrs old, no kids. I thought my husband loves me more than I loved him. We have had bad phase going on from last 4 years when his mom visited us and she and I had a small fight. I had 2 miscarriages in between ( no, we weren’t trying actively).Since then she never liked me and after COVID, my husband is visiting them and told me over message that he is really unhappy for a long time and he is already 37yrs old he deserved to me happy. His parents are getting old and it’s his responsibility. So, we should part out ways when he is back. I still love him and he told me I love you and I miss you on the day he landed there too. I am totally in shock to have lost everything just like that and while he is gone. I feel so miserable. It’s hard since I still love him and there is a hope that it will all be fine at the end of the day. I am really heartbroken.
10 comments
Firstly I’m sorry you’re going through this but I’m having a really hard time understanding. Is your husband walking away from the relationship because you don’t have children yet? Or Is it because he wants to take care of his parents? Do you know his exact reasons?
There are a lot of reasons apparently. Main one I think that I don’t get along with his parents and he feels he has to pick one of is. Second, we are immigrants to this new country (10yrs ago) we don’t have no family or social circle here but very good jobs and career prospects. He feels alone and since we don’t have kids it’s difficult and COVID made it worse. So many fights and both of us taking each other for granted. It’s not that he wants to move back to his home though (I asked).
This really sucks. Make sure this is what he definitely wants, then prepare. Once he arrives and you lay the documents out for him to sign he might actually wake the fuck up. His proximity to his mother is the problem now, so he needs to be shocked into the reality of losing his wife.
Have you actually spoken to him? Or is this all over text? Are you sure one of his parents didn’t take his phone?
You can guess how it went. He already had his doubts but didn’t have the balls to tell you. He visited his parents and told them how he feels, and they convinced him to break up with you. So he put his big boy pants on and broke up over the fucking phone. He did you a favor, if he didn’t, sooner or later he would’ve hurt you more.
Keep your chin up love, remember loving yourself is most important!
My family was similair with me. All was nice and good until i got married. Then they constantly told me to choose between my wife and them, they would say horrible things about her and at the slightest inconvenience they blamed her, told me she was manipulating me and wanted to isolate me. At first it was hard to believe in my wife because i’ve known my parents so much longer and at some point i relied on what they had to say for my own survival. Plus in my culture (lebenese muslim) there is a big pressure on the parents always being right, the kid always needs to obey, etc.
After a while of them threatening to dissown me anytime i wanted to put my marriage first, i called their bluff, moved across the country and stopped initiating conversations with them. They tried apologising but after threatening me like that i was too resentful of them. Its been 2 years, i am only now slowly starting to communicate with family again, including extended family. It was traumatic for me to go through that because before i always put my family as priority, it was like the center of my being was cut out from me.
My poor wife was dragged along through all of that and is still supportive of me reopening communication with family. Your situation might be different, i dont know how it will end, thats what happened to me, i chose my wife and cut off my family.
Let him go. You deserve someone who really loves you ( he doesn’t despite what you want to believe) and puts you first.
His words are clear. You should take measures to ensure your future. II am sorry this has happened.
A four year rough patch is not a rough patch… it’s a wake up call. And not being on speaking terms with his family… what was your expectation?
No matter how insufferable… unless they’re abusive or cross serious serious lines, you gotta try to get along with the in-laws.