Backstory me and my boyfriend have been together forsix years. I gave him an ultimatum beginning of the year for our anniversary that he propose to me otherwise I leave. During that time I moved in with him and his family.
That time came and passed I took away the ultimatum and told him it’s not special anymore if I have to give an ultimatum. Now it’s July 6 months past. We have moved in together on our own for a few months. We always talk about marriage and kids. But he always says I want to save enough for your ring.
I’ve always told him you can propose with a ring pop I won’t care. He just says he doesn’t want to do that he wants a ring and to be stable. He does have debt that we’ll he now regrets getting into but is paying it off.
He wants our own home land all that just like me. So I’m waiting hoping he’ll propose. All I want is to be married to him. I do wife things for him everyday I enjoy not complain but just want to be a wife not a girlfriend.
All his family ask when are you guys getting married asking me and I always say ask him not me.
I kind of think that the being stable is kind of life. That people get married with nothing but love but they are married. Is he just using it as an excuse really wanting to see if he wants to be married to me or even wants to be married.
I’ve waited a long time. Need a guys opinion I’m guessing. What could make you take so long to propose when your almost 30 and your girlfriend wants to be married and have kids but you don’t want to start that yet because you want to be stable
I’m just confused and hurt about this. He always says the same thing so I can’t really talk to him because I won’t get a different answer.
5 comments
In the nicest way possible, the backstory is that your 23 year old boyfriend pursued a 17 year old. Now he’s pushing 30, not stable, and not willing to commit.
The hard truth is this is the best possible thing for you. You’re wasting your time. In addition to that, you’re also immature yourself and trying to force a legal relationship based on love. That’s how marriages end in divorce. Love isn’t enough. Love alone doesn’t make for a healthy relationship or marriage.
Full disclosure, I’m a guy and I’m happily married. I say that so that you know I’m not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I love love. I wish you nothing but the absolute best. The best for you just isn’t in this relationship. Good luck.
Ultimatums do not work. I wouldnt propose either if given one. Why buy the farm when you get the milk for free. He’s not going to marry you.
What you’re saying to him is different to what you’re showing him.
Maybe you don’t like giving him an ultimatum (you blew that already), but you’re moving the relationship from milestone to milestone without any movement from him around engagement and marriage.
You’re enabling him to ignore the request.
Being stable before marriage is the smartest thing you can do. And you two are not stable. You are living in a fairytale thinking love will conquer all… Well it doesn’t. Marriage changes absolutely nothing about your relationship. So be patient and just enjoy yourselves. Your bf is clearly not ready to move in that direction; pushing him will not help.
Does he have a specific definition of what being stable looks like? Does he have a plan to get him to that mythical stability?
I would think that he has no incentive to propose and marry, especially if you two live together. If you want biological children as a married woman then figure out when is the oldest you are willing to have your last one and then add the 9 months and change. Then communicate and decide accordingly.