Every-time I’ve been in a relationship, I stop finding other people attractive. I can acknowledge that a person is beautiful (like the way you’d acknowledge a baby is adorable or a puppy is cute) but I don’t actually find anyone else attractive. I can look at a guy with a 6 pack and dazzling smile and feel absolutely nothing. The only person that makes my heart skip a beat and my insides melt is the person I’m with. I get tunnel-vision. However, it seems like a lot of people don’t think/feel that way. I know it’s normal for humans to find people attractive and that your eyes don’t stop working when you’re in a relationship, but a part of me still expects it from people that I date because it’s what I do. I guess I want that kind of love/commitment back if that makes sense. In this day and age, is it unrealistic?
2 comments
Sorta.
In general, yes, it’s reasonable, but that’s sort of a fairy tale and unrealistic perspective when you’re talking about an established, long term relationship. Long term it isn’t really that simple. Maintaining a long term relationship requires more than just believing you won’t ever someday feel like someone else could also make you happy, or offer something that your chosen partner doesn’t. The reality is that you (and they) will periodically encounter people in their life that they would potentially be very compatible with. Both people have to decide to not pursue those other people, and to avoid the situations with those other people that could potentially allow it to develop. It’s a decision that must be acted upon repeatedly throughout your life, and other potential partners aren’t the only thing that will test someone.
I’m like you, in that I have no eyes for anyone beside my partner, but romance and romantic feelings can be sneaky things so I think it’s better to be proactive and be prepared to make decisions as needed. Sometimes the more comfortable you are in your relationship, the easier you can accidentally let your guard down when interacting with others. And if you believe you’re immune to it, that makes it more dangerous because you won’t be making good decisions to control those situations.
As a dude I am that way. I can only focus on one person at a time. So we exist.
It makes it a pain to date though with this online dating stuff (was off the market for 14 years, so it’s all new to me).
I’ll be talking to one person and kinda lose interest in others, which sabotages me a bit. I’ll figure it out eventually.