Hi š I need advice from strangers on this. We are both 24 & have been together ~5 years. The reason Iām posting this at 3:00 AM is because my bf who lives in NYC will get drunk and not let me know he made it home safely. He knows I suffer from extreme anxiety and panic attacks. In these situations, my anxiety is not around if he would cheat (I know he is loyal, and I trust him), itās around his safety knowing that he sometimes blacks out and is in a dangerous city. He knows he needs to let me know when he gets back safe, and heās fucked up with it before and apologized, but I donāt know if I can keep taking itā¦.When this happens, because of my anxiety/panic attacks, I stay awake the whole night waiting for a morning text to know he is safe. With my mental health, I genuinely canāt fall asleep without knowing. And he knows this. These situations make me feel like weāre at two different stages of our life – Iāve had my fun, drunk nights in college but that kind of behavior is a turn-off now at 24, and I feel l need someone more mature, who knows their limit and knows what I need to help my mental health. I love him so much, he is my absolute best friend, but apologies the next morning are getting really old and are really deteriorating to my mental health progressā¦ any advice??? Anyone ever been in a similar situation? š
2 comments
I used to have a similar thing with my ex and it really affected my mental health, I’d say you should talk to him about it before you decide anything and really make it clear that if it keeps happening then you feel like you’ll have to leave. Ik this is easier said than done though haha looking back at my situation we were together for 5 years also and I should have left after we had the conversation about it and it didn’t stop, hope it goes better for you though š also I’d look at getting into therapy to sort your mental health it sounds like you need to work on taking care of yourself before others
First of all, yes this is a basic incompatibility and it’s okay to break up over this. But I would encourage you to keep working on your own mental health instead of treating it like an insurmountable obstacle that you and your partners just need to work around; in particular, when you have intrusive thoughts like this that are deeply distressing to you, that is a thing that therapy can help with (whether it be regular therapy or guided psychoactive therapy).