I enjoy going out alone but mainly find myself in clubs and way too drunk – I am trying to meet new people and practice my social skills but I need to do that without descending into vodka fuelled oblivion.
I’ve seen stories of people going to bars and pubs and reading – this sounds great, however my dyslexic butt requires I read with a yellow ruler and even then it’s a struggle and I don’t particularly want to strike up conversation regarding my brains quirks.
Using my phone is an obvious no, I’ve figured this one out already.
So any ideas for what I could do? I do do art but it feels too pressured, especially when heading into slightly fancier venues.
9 comments
Just be in your own bubble and look chill someone will try to talk to you.
I read books on my phone and usually eat rather than drink. Most of the time I’m left alone, which may be what you’re implying about phones there.
I’d recommended art, writing, puzzles
Use the bathroom generally
One beer. Then one pint glass of water. Repeat. You won’t get obliterated.
Read something (not on your phone) and greet people who stand or sit nearby. If they are trying to order a drink and have not gotten the bartender’s attention, and you happen to know the bartender’s name — because you wisely introduced yourself earlier — you might intercede for them at an opportune moment and say something like “Becky, when you get a minute, this gentlemen needs a beer.”
One out of three or four people you smile and say hello to may want to chat. Start with something light and topical; remark on a good dish if they serve food, or something on the TV. Get in a three-way conversation with the bartender (feels safer to a lady in particular if bartenders are involved).
Bars with sports on tv can be more sociable and you can strike up conversations about a game
Bring a small portable battery charger with you; you might save the day for someone who needs a quick charge on their phone. Cheap on Amazon.
Be friendly but never intrude on others’ conversations. There’s a way to be sociable without being a butt-in-ski.
If you go to a club, go when there’s a specific artist/dj that has a decent following that you feel like you can genuinely enjoy. Music events/festivals are even better for this but people are a lot more open to making new friends over shared music interests.
It’s also a lot more socially acceptable to be alone cause there’s a genuine backstory of you wanting to check that artist out. You can just say none of your friends like the same music you do and you didn’t want to miss out.
On the flipside people subconsciously know that no one loves the club so much that they just go alone on a random night unless you’re super socially skilled and are upfront that you’re out to make new friends. So having the right vibe in this case is much harder. Not saying it’s not doable but it’s higher difficulty mode imo. Sorry for the long post. Hope this helps.
Try bowling or look for a new club to join. Hobbies and real life experience is going to help you make real friends rather than people to go out with.
If you’re into sports then finding a bar with a game on is a good occasion to just hang out, have a couple of beers and talk casually with other folks about teams, players, etc.
I know most people dread going to sports bars (including me 95% of the time, and I’m a football fan!) but if you go on a quiet night (maybe on a weekday) it can be a really chill environment. Also, try to avoid playoffs or big rivalry games as these tend to really draw a high percentage of morons.
Update: no offense to anyone who watches playoff or rivalry games at the bar! Just noting that these games tend to be a rowdier environment, with a higher chance of running into some obnoxious folks (you know the ones).
Sketching would be so cool! I’d definitely talk to someone who was doodling or sketching.