About two years ago I (29 y/o female) was in a horrible relationship with a man (35 y/o) I lived with. I became friends with his friends and we would drink and do drugs (cocaine) a lot together. My boyfriend and I got into a lot of terrible arguments. We called each other names and mentally tortured each other. Then we broke up but because it was mid pandemic we continued to live together. He began to date his ex while we still cohabitated and that’s when I lost my shit so to speak. I started becoming manipulative and kind of scary. I was so hurt that I wanted him to feel my pain too. I eventually moved out and even though we tried to be friends I realized I couldn’t be well with him in my life. We haven’t spoken in over 6 mos. I still feel like I am a terrible person. The relationship did get physical at times. I am currently sober and going back to school. I’m single and in therapy. I still feel like my past defines me though and people in my community see me as an abuser.
3 comments
Therapy and time.
The fact that you wrote this and express remorse about your actions puts you way ahead of most people in situations like yours. You are clearly compassionate and thoughtful, which makes you the opposite of a bad person. And look at all the progress you made.. back in school, out of that harmful relationship and stopped using drugs in a harmful way. I say a congratulations is in order because what you have done is not easy. It bothers you because you’re a good person. As others have said, therapy and time will do wonders. Best of luck
I think one of the best ways would be getting in to cognitive defusion. It may sound obvious but also trying to stay clear and getting to know the triggers of what caused that behaivior