TL;DR – I am a potentially not fun person, and my partner is extremely social and fun, how do we make it work?
My partner (M 30) and I (F 30) have lived together two years (together for 3). We have a wonderful, loving, healthy relationship and are confident we’re each other’s person. He is, however, extremely social and outgoing, with a lot of friends who always want to hang out in large groups, organize group outings (cabin trips, vacations, etc) all together.
I have many close friends, and a large social circle as well, but my idea of “fun” looks much different. I am quiet, enjoy going to bed early, have never been into drinking or drugs/partying, and have social anxiety which makes it quite challenging for me to be in group situations. My idea of fun is reading a book in the sun, going for a jog, chatting with a couple of friends, going for a walk or a hike, making dinner together, etc. I love being in smaller group settings (2-4 people is perfect for me), but his friends almost exclusively hang out in groups of 10+ people. Though we’re all in our 30s now, and some even have kids, they’re still a rambunctious type, who stay out late, use drugs recreationally, etc.
It’s frustrating for him, because he wants to hang out with all of his friends in larger group settings, but he realizes that’s not ideal for me. We have both compromised on this – going for smaller dinners some nights, going to bigger weekends at the cabin others. He’ll often go out without me if I’m not feeling up to the social situation – but it *has* caused friction in our relationship in the past because I think he struggles to understand how I’m not on the same page as his definition of a good time.
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this longer term and how they navigated it? **Can two people with very different social personalities have a successful relationship?** In the time we’ve been dating, this is the only consistent obstacle we’ve encountered.
1 comment
I’d say it’s possible, but only if you are also fairly independent people.
Personally my wife and I I would say are very socially equal in that we are socially awkward sometimes and don’t have a ton of close friends but we like to drink and enjoy meeting new people after you get through that awkward first part. We rarely socialize separately – only once every few months will either of us do something with a friend while the other stays home.
I know other people though who always socialize separately – one friend comes to mind who is a bit older than us and we know through a local sports club we are all in. We’ve known him for 3-4 years now through a group that is a mix of single and married people. Roughly half of the married people in the group show up together, while with the other half only one partner in the relationship is in the group, but we see the spouse occasionally at social events.
But not this guy – I’ve never met his wife and never expect to. He says they just do their own thing and that’s what they’ve found works best for them.
Since I don’t know her at all, and don’t really know him that well, I can’t tell you if it’s a good relationship or not, but they do it.
Personally, since I am more co-dependent socially with my partner, I think I would need to be with someone my speed, who wants to do the same sort of stuff. But if you are more independent, nothing is stopping you from doing what you want.