What am I supposed to do when I’m getting food with someone?

2 comments

1. Eating conversation topics – can discuss what they’re thinking of ordering before you order including if they have any recommendations. When food comes out you can ask how the food is. You could segue to asking them about their favourite dish or if they cook. Bonus points for linking to travel.

   General conversation topics – family, hobbies, work.

   If they say they have children you can ask names and ages. Small kids can raise ‘that’s what, year x’ in school which can lead to talking about their schooling. High schoolers you can ask about their favourite subjects or what they’re hoping to do post-schooling. Adult kids can ask what they’re doing – education, work etc. You can also ask if they have grandchildren, but ask about kids first and then only if there are adult children – otherwise it can be a remark on age of the person you’re talking to.

   Hobbies – demonstrate an interest in what they’re saying, you can ask for more info if you don’t know much about it. If you know a bit, it’s great to discuss your shared interest.

   Work – generally you would ask what they do for work and if they like it. You could expand it with questions about the best and worst aspects of it and how the culture/coworkers are.

   All of those are for people you don’t know well. If you know the person a bit, focus on discussing things that they raised in the past – like ask how their child’s dance recital went or their latest trip away.

   In the case of this lunch with a work senior you could ask about general tips – what are some of the challenges interns face here and how could those be addressed? – specific feedback on your work or asking about their career progression and some of the challenges they’ve managed.

2. Think of your communication as they are the fuel to keep a fire pit on.
   Your words, your questions, they are the little wooden stickers.
   You throw then carefully to keep the fire pit on.
   Sometimes it might seems to you like it is dying or maybe that you lost control and it might burn everything around.
   You keep yourself calm, there’s no danger there.
   You’ll be fine, why do you worry that much btw?

   People like to be asked questions.
   They love to talk about themselves.
   Not everyone I’d say.
   I don’t feel happy, let’s say answering general questions.
   Yesterday a friend of mine asked me a question and I was really happy to answer. That hadn’t happen in a long time.
   As I was answering his questions (he asked me how I felt while skydiving) I could feel the sensations.
   I’d laugh so much while telling him.
   We stayed in that topic for 30 minutes straight. I felt so good.

   I’m pretty sure he was also interested in my answer.
   If you just ask by the sake of being nice it doesn’t work.
   We all need authenticity in our actions otherwise we’re going the wrong way.
   I’d say some of us are capable to tell when someone is asking just for the sake of being nice, polite or to fit in.
   I don’t even waste my time answering nor they waste their time listening.

   Now, be aware that you’re not the only person in the world with anxiety.
   They might be having the same feelings you’re having.
   Be aware that 90% of our body expresses itself through body language.
   People, unconsciously can tell when you’re nervous, anxious, angry.
   Sometimes when you go out and you get really nervous out of nowhere it could be someone’s else mood impacting yours through your body language reading skills.
   What we have to do then?
   I’d say we should look into the cause for this behavior.
   There’s something that led us to be anxious, to fear conversations.
   Modern Society? Media? Technology? The way you were raised by your parents? Bullying at school?

   Sometimes it will be quite hard to remember, but once you learn that you can always reprogram a feeling or behavior you won’t need to find the cause for that, you just feel like that kind of action is not the best for you and you might even have some theories of the reasons but you know that now is easier to just work on that and change it.

   If you wanna pierce into that wall that divides this part of your personality you keep putting yourself out there, in these uncomfortable situations.
   Notice how you act, how you feel? What do you fear the most there? Are you shy? Is it something maybe related to your appearance? Your voice? Do you fear being seem as boring? Why? It might lead you into a arsenal of possibilities.
   If you reach the core, you can reframe that beautifully, and become the “new” version of yourself that it was always meant to be.

   Remember, your feelings are the compasses to find your true self.
   Your balance dwells there.
   The word here is authenticity.