Insecure regarding girlfriends vibrator use

31 comments

1. What makes you think a vibrator is 100x better?

   That’s just bs, no offense.

2. Is your ‘fear’ that she is going to wake up one day and dump you because her vibrator gets her off in a different way? Does that sound logical to you?

   The ‘root’ (hehe) of the problem is likely the fact that most young men have grown up watching terribly made porn where it seems like a Woman can just magically orgasm multiple times, very quickly from a penis. Where simply many Women really can’t climax through PIV alone.

   Use the vibe with her and even enjoy it yourself. Doggy style and have her press it against her clit so you enjoy the sensation as well. It’s not just good for women, men can use them as well.

3. A vibrator is not a person. It’s just an aide for you and your partner to have more pleasure during sex.

   What if your partner thought of lingerie the same way you do? Like she was insecure that just because you like seeing her in lingerie, she assumed she’s not wanted naked?

   A vibrator is your friend when it comes to sex life. Women usually find it difficult to orgasm, so this is just helpful to you

4. The root is age. I remember i also had that 20 years ago. You will appreciate toys more because they spice things up. Maybe dont look at them as toys. Look at them as tools.

5. You k ow what’s better than a vibrator? A boyfriend who uses one on you.

6. A vibrator is a tool, nothing more

   A carpenter would not get insecure because they could never smash a nail into wood with their forehead as well as they could with a hammer. The hammer is for them to use, and we judge them on how well they use it, not whether they use it.

7. Try being more involved learn her body and help it out with it too you’ll find this will bring more confidence in you and in your sex life in general

8. Vibrator and Fleshlight aren’t even remotely the same thing. The Fleshlight is a poor simulation of a woman. Adequate for masturbation (I do have one) but a simulation at best. A vibrator doesn’t resemble a cock in any way. At least the good ones don’t, some do look like dildos, but that isn’t necessary. They aren’t usually used with penetration at all. It’s a different sort of stimulation that works well for many women.

   Don’t look at it like you can’t give her the big O with your non vibrating cock. If you want to be the one to give her the O, ask to hold the vibrator for her. It will be even better. Like you can jerk off and that’s good, but if she gives you a handjob that’s something different, and better. Same thing, she can masturbate with a vibrator, and that’s good, but if you hold it it’s that much better.

   Or try a vibrating cock ring. Her orgasms are glorious, whatever you need to do to be present when she has them, do it. Even if it’s just being present.

9. Long as fuck comment below:

   I don’t have any advice. I just want to say that I’m in the exact same boat.

   I’ve tried it all and read virtually every article and reddit thread about it. Using it on her during sex, focusing on the idea that sex is about intimacy, that her vibe doesn’t give her human affection, etc.

   Nothing really changes. It’s still really difficult to swallow that it’s the toy that’s *directly* giving her that kind of pleasure that you will never, ever able to give her.

   It especially hurts if she *needs* it to orgasm. I know it’s not my fault, and that’s just how her body is made and she just really needs that extra horsepower. But, technically speaking, at the end of the day, I am still the auxiliary, complementary factor in her orgasm (by making her horny and all that), but the vibrator is the primary, necessary one.

   And *that’s exactly* what kills the romance and intimacy for me.

   But it’s still hard to accept even if she can get off from oral/manual stimulation. It’ll still usually never come close to just how intense a vibrator orgasm is. I’d lovingly go down or manually stimulate her for hours if needed, and the fact that a vibrator will get her there *quicker* doesn’t bother me at all, but it’s the fact that the *quality* of the orgasm is so much more with a vibrator is killing me.

   [It doesn’t help seeing this thread where women would be livid if their boyfriends couldn’t cum without a toy themselves](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1h37q3/would_you_be_ok_if_your_bf_could_only_cum_using_a/&ved=2ahUKEwjqkIeI3pj5AhXxplYBHWf4A28QFnoECAQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3X2fxn0xRARXXrBEMNylHR)

   But the worst part? The guilt. Of course I want her to experience maximum pleasure. But I just find it sad that I can’t be the one to do that. Still, I would never want to make her feel bad about her own pleasure.

   We’ve talked about it ad nauseam before, and she has reassured me that sex is all about intimacy bla bla bla. Still doesn’t change how I feel. So I stopped talking about it because I know that would just hurt her.

   So everytime during sex, I take a deep breath, turn on the vibe and press it against her clit while faking a smile. It kinda hurts, but that’s love I guess. Love is all about sacrifices. You’d do anything for the love of your life. That’s why despite all I wrote, most of her vibrators were ones I bought for her lol.

   Sometimes I wish things were different. Like maybe a vibrator was nice and different, but not necessarily *better* for her you know? So we can still keep the best of both worlds.

   Or maybe that I feel completely differently about the subject.

   Sorry if this was a downer to read. Hugs, dude.

10. Men get your lady all the toys she wants. The more she orgasms the more she will want actual sex. Use the toy with her. When I was married I loved her using it.

11. I will try a different angle, my thoughts on this are that flesh an bone cannot coupe with mechanical stimulation.

    We men cannot beat the mechanical stimulation of a vibrator with hands and mouth, no way you can keep that ryhtm.

    If you desensibilize yourself down there and expect your guy to achieve the same level, it’s impossible.

    So being insecure, that you cannot stimulate her down there I find valid.

    There was also an YouTube that was made by some women that explaining how great is the vibrator for self stimulation, but also the downside for intercourse with a partner.

12. The root of your issue tbh is you have no idea how pleasure and women’s bodies work.

    It is NOT true that you can’t give her more pleasure than a vibrator.

    Lemme let you in on a little secret. Vibrators are intense physical stimulation. Cool. You’re right that you cannot duplicate that physical stimulation.

    But arousal involves alot of mental shit. The more aroused someone is, the more sensitive they are. Get someone turned on enough, the pleasure their body is physically capable of feeling rises sharply. Knowing how to manipulate that pleasure, you can edge a person up far past the point they’d usually cum and make them lose their minds.

    A vibrator is a machine. It cannot engage her mind, understand her kinks, engage with them, draw her into the moment of her pleasure, manipulate her arousal to make her experience intense orgasms that last at times for minutes. You can. Especially if you’re willing to be the one controlling the vibrator and using it on her in addition to your dick, mouth, and hands.

    Its not just about sex is about human contact. Its that human contact can do more for orgasms than a vibrator ever could, if you use it right.

    You feel shitty because you don’t know how to make her cum very well. That’s the root. Its confronting you with your own ignorance and inexperience. So go make your girlfriend cum and get better at it. End the ignorance and inexperience.

13. So, about 95% of women do not orgasm from penetration. The clit is where it is at for them. So, you can find a position where she gets to use the vibe, or you hold it, while you are inside of her. She gets a huge O, and then you go for the second one.

    Basically, you can not use one, and she can have vanilla PIV sex, and eventually start faking so she doesn’t hurt your feelings, or, you can ha e wonderful sexual encounters, watch your girl have explosive orgasms, and she wants more sex because you get her there 100% every time.

    I know which option I choose.

14. sex isn’t all your relationship is. at least it shouldn’t be, if that’s the case, you should probably figure some other things out. if you have a good relationship, your girlfriend is with you because she cares about you and you care about her and you want to share a life together. not because you make her cum, that’s just a nice benefit. no person is looking for the absolutely perfect sex life as the sole goal in their life (at least if they’re not sex addicted), it doesn’t matter if something else than you gives your girlfriend better orgasms, it’s simply not the main thing she cares about. she cares about you and that is why she is with you.

    also, by this logic, do you also think your girlfriend thinks that you would leave her because you simply can make yourself cum better by wanking? probably not because you think your masturbation is a normal and healthy part of your life. so why do you not see your girlfriend masturbating the same way? why do you feel like you should have a monopoly on her sexuality and that you should be the only thing that makes her cum when she likely does not feel the same way about you?

    the reason you feel insecure is that you feel like you should own your girlfriend’s sexuality entirely and if you’re not able to do that and satisfy her at all times, you’ve failed as a man when that is a super toxic way to think.

    masturbation is normal. as long as she is not addicted to it, there is no reason why she would prefer it over having sex with an actual person as sex and masturbation usually serve different purposes. people do sexual things for multiple different reasons, usually we have sex because we want to be intimate and close to a partner. sometimes we want nothing but to cum quickly in which case we often masturbate and it’s purely about cumming then. sex doesn’t replace masturbation nor the other way around. so do not feel like you have to compete against something you’re not in competition with in the first place.

15. Maybe it helps if you are in charge of the vibrator. Ask her to teach you how to hold it for her, so it feels good for her . But you’re the one doing it to her… You’re the one giving her that pleasure.. might help with the connection and getting a vibrator to be your friend.. like teammates… You two together will make her feel incredible!

16. You are in a good spot. The vibrator is not your competition. It is not your enemy. It is not your replacement. It does not fill a void you cannot fill.

    The vibrator is an expansion of pleasure. It’s an expansion of sexual sensations. It is a toy. It is fun. Embrace it. Watch your GF use it. Use it on her and explore and play. Incorporate it into your foreplay and sex. Become a Jedi Master with it. Good this will be.

    The vibe can also get her so hot to the point she turns it off and just wants penis. She can use it on you. There are toys for men too. You guys could expand your sexual palette. Soon you will be ordering toys to surprise you GF and make her smile with all sorts orgasms.

    You do not have a problem my friend.

17. Heres a good way to see things. Think about if you bought a Fleshlight. There is science behind those things and they are designed to feel really tight and amazing for a man. If you got one, maybe you’d use it often for the first little while. But do you think you would ever PREFER it over having sex with a beautiful woman?? Do you think you would ever stop wanting to see and caress your girlfriend’s body? Do you think you would ever prefer cold plastic to your girlfriends warm mouth, hand or vagina? That you would prefer silence to the moans of your partner?

    Just like the vibrator, it’s a toy and it is used for self pleasure or to enhance sex. It doesn’t replace it. I’ve been with plenty of women that have vibrators and it has never dulled our sex lives or become her sole source of sexual satisfaction. It’s actually pretty hot to use one on your partner. As long as you are being a loving and conscientious partner sexually, you have nothing to worry about. And she’s probably thinking of you if and when she uses it alone. Over time you’ll get over it. Trust me.

18. You need to change your mindset. Think of sex toys as allies in the bedroom. They are just another set of tools that you can use to make your partner orgasm. Imagine that your p in her v feels good. And a vibrator feels good. Imagine how much better using both at the same time will feel to her. Remember, Allies.

19. Accept defeat and reevaluate your life goals. You can never be a vibrator, however much you try. Perhaps you should just aim to become a fine, upstanding man!

20. A great score of women enjoy their plastic toys, and some men do too. And it has nothing to do with preference, but simply another form of stimulation. Your insecurity/fear is based off a misunderstanding of pleasure principles. I love steaks, yet I won’t/don’t eat them daily. The same goes with different forms of sexual stimulus, variety is spicy. Maybe you should try a plastic toy for yourself, I bet you never felt something so good.

21. It’s not even just “sex is about two people connecting,” around 80% of women cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation either on its own or combined with penetration. This is not a vibrator thing not a your girlfriend thing. This is about female anatomy and the need for clit stimulation to induce orgasm. Stop taking it personally and realize that is how their anatomy works and that only a very small percentage of woman can orgasm through penetration alone.

    If you want to try to get her to orgasm without a vibrator, switch up your technique so you are stimulating her clit during penetration either by grinding your pelvic bone into her clit or rubbing it with your fingers in rhythm with your thrusts.

22. I get this. Because it’s true, you can’t compete with the stimulation capacity of a vibrator. Just like I can’t compete with the endless novelty, better bodies, and search bars for anything he can think of when it comes to porn. Knowing this, I dramatically limit my vibrator use to when he is with me because it’s more important to me that my partner feel secure. I also encourage open communication about vulnerabilities. People want to shit on the male ego, but both genders feel insecure at times about their partner’s solo habits and it isn’t always about ego or control. Talk is important, do it.

23. I’m actually in agreement with you. I broke it off with a new girl for the same reasons you are describing. I’m very much a people pleaser sexually. I met up with girl and she was great, attractive, well educated and after are first day she brought me back to her apartment for sex and it was a nice apartment!

    Problem was she was very big into vibrater use. When I went down on her she had a vibrater on her clit right next to my face, when I penetrated her she literally had the vibrater on her clit the whole time and we only used positions where she could vibrate also. This thing was also like really loud and it just got to the point where I wasn’t enjoying it at all. Still sometimes bad sex is just phase so I chalked it up to is just needing to be more comfortable together.

    I met for date 2, this time we went back to my place, when it’s time for sex she grabs her purse and pulls that vibrater back out. My bed is smaller than hers, so there’s even fewer vibrater friendly positions and they were awkward and unejoyable for me. So this time the sex was even worse than the first. I myself just felt like an exstention of the toy at first, only then she didn’t even seem to notice when I pulled out and wasn’t even motioning. She was still just vibrating away and it was clear to me the vibrater stimulation was the only thing she needed to get off nothing i did mattered, I was kinda just there.

    There were other issues, but that was the main crux and anyway decided not to meet up with her again. Just told her she was great but I wasn’t feeling it.

24. Change your tactics bra , there’s no way I’d be beaten by some plastic toy ,my p*nis has a slight curve and females always go crazy in doggy for some reason, I guess it hits the right spot , try twisting to the side and focus on hitting the walls , trust me; she’ll be throwing that toy far far away or at least not using it as much,
    Good luck

25. A couple of ways to look at it:

    1) Your penis isn’t a tool to give her orgasms. It’s a tool to give *you* orgasms. Her clitoris is a tool to give her orgasms. Both of you can use the vibe on her. Just use it.

    2) Do you masturbate? Are you better at touching your penis than she is? Do you still want sex with her? Of course you do. She’s the same. And, if she’s have a really enjoyable solo-sex life, it will probably make her want sex with you even more.

    3) Do you enjoy your relationship primarily because it gives you access to her vagina? Of course not Why would she be any different?

26. Your dick, hands, teeth, nails, mouth, spit, feet, body, eyes and mind are all just tools for enhancing the sexual experience. We generally learn to use a few of those first before we move onto toys.

    The vibrator is also just a tool for you to use and control. It is just another part of the sexual play that you’re enjoying with your partner. Just like ropes, paddles, belts, clamps, zappers, feathers, plugs, cuffs, gags and any other toy you care to use.

    Learn how to use these tools effectively and you’ll feel your confidence grow. Because they’re ultimately useless and unsatisfying unless they’re wielded by someone who knows how to get the most out of them.

    The last piece of advice I have is to consider using a insertable, folding vibrator that enhances both your pleasure. Might help you get over that hump.

    Best of luck, don’t beat yourself up and don’t give up grappling with this insecurity. It might take time but you can beat it and then help someone else in your place.

27. You need to look at it as a tool and not a rival. My wife and I have a plethora of toys we use almost daily. I love her with everything in me so if I can use something to bring her greater or more pleasure, I feel that as her husband that is my duty to her and our marriage. Our sex life has blossomed because of this openness.

28. A vibrator isn’t a substitute for emotional and physical affection or company. Worth remembering that.

    My partner has a drawer of toys (my idea, it just makes things easier), but I’m fully aware that oral is her preferred method of orgasm. The vibrator is often used for further orgasms after head, because again, preference.

    I think maybe talk with her and ask her favourite way? If it’s by vibrator, maybe make it part of your own arsenal and use it on her?

29. My fiance and I always have regular sex first, and either when I finished or after a while, we get her vibrator and she uses it on herself while I a: keep fucking her until we both climax or b: I use my fingers until she climaxes.

    Fun times for both, why would I compete with something I cant copy?

30. Yea idk man my recent ex & I would always use it on her while we were fucking. She was very open to me about it in that she never could really orgasm from penetration alone. I wasn’t gonna be the one to tell her she was wrong for it. Just everybody’s different

31. Well tbh, I personally think a little insecurity is normal and to be expected. It’s how we respond which matters. Our penises aren’t battery operated and we can’t vibrate…and hearing how many women can’t cum without the assistance of such a thing makes it clear to me that some men are obviously, and justifiably to some extent, gonna be insecure about it. Just know that you wanna please your partner no matter what, so do everything and anything that will help get her there. I learned a long time ago that sex has no place for inflated egos.