How do you know you’re ready to marry him?

7 comments

1. You don’t. To what I think you are really asking; I believe you gather information as best you can but ultimately. You place a bet on someone’s character.

   In my case I bet well.

2. When he’s willing and able to make sacrifices for you, and for the two of you as a couple, then you might be ready. When you’re willing to listen to his crazy schemes, gently put your hand upon his forearm, and say “Honey, we’re a family now.” you might be ready. When you’re willing to listen to his mother drone on and on and on about 112 different things you don’t care about, you might be ready to marry him. When he’s willing to listen to *your* mother tell him all about his shortcomings and how he won’t good enough for you, you might be ready.

   When you’ve put away your childhood sweetheart fantasies, when you *swear* you’re going to stop checking out that new guy across the street shirtlessly mowing his lawn in the hot July sun, when he makes your heart go pitty pat while twirling you under the mirror ball at that downtown dive bar, you might be ready.

   When there’s a million little questions for which only *he* is the answer, then you *might* be ready.

3. I’m a whole functional person and he’s a whole functional person. Together we’re better than apart, but we don’t need each other. This doesn’t mean things like “I make enough money to live the life I want on my own,” or anything. It’s more “I can keep the house clean, feed myself, pay my bills, and develop relationships.”

   He’s my safe place and I’m his safe place. He’s my best friend. We can talk about anything, even uncomfortable subjects, without fear of shame.

   We have the same general life goals. We have lived together and had sex and have found if compatible (this is lesser and a lot of people wait until marriage and it’s fine, but in my opinion unless you have a shared cultural reason to not, you should)

   I’m not looking to fix anything by getting married and I realize that there’s a possibility of divorce, one I will try to avoid, through honest open communication, but still a possibility.

   There are always people who can have a marriage without theses, but I think this is the general foundation of a good and healthy marriage.

4. I dated but had never been in love before I met my husband. But I fell so crazy hard in love that it shook me to my core. It was so earth shattering and unfamiliar that I found myself questioning if it was infatuation or truly the real deal. As I questioned myself, I remember thinking so clearly that if he got into a terrible accident and became completely incapacitated, that I wanted it to be me who took care of him. That’s how I knew I was ready to marry him.

5. When you are older than 25, have been through at least 2 crises on each side, lived together for a year, align in needs and values.

6. Unless you’re a total NARCISSIST all you have to know is you love him, will tread through shit with him, work together on the negative issues and be there for each other when it s needed. If he is a Narcissist leave now

7. Me and my partner had been together 8 years. In that time, I have never seriously considered breaking up. I didn’t expect marriage to change anything, I would continue to love him the same with or without marriage.
   It was more of just a “why not just do it if we are never planning on being apart.”
   I know that isn’t ground-breaking or awe-inspiring, but it’s how we did it.