As the title suggests, I’m looking for a way to develop my social skills without actually going out of my way to meet new people and interacting with them. I know it sounds stupid, “I wanna socialize better but I don’t want to be social”, but I have my reasons to ask for this.
First of all I wouldn’t even know where to begin with. I have no ‘bridge’ for me at the moment to start meeting new people, no school, no social hobbies, no nothing (and talking to random strangers it’s just not an option for me). But even if I could meet new people I wouldn’t want to. I’m so socially inept at the moment that it would just be a miserable experience for the both of us, and worse if it’s more than just another person (I’ve tried joining Discord convos, they not only weren’t helpful at all but I ended up with a lot of anxiety).
I also don’t like the mentality of “just start talking and you will eventually get better” because that makes me feel like I’d be using the people I talk with, as in treating them as a tool for me to get better at something. I’m not interested in making friends, I just want to be as least of an awkward person as I can be when I am FORCED to talk, so starting relationships that I’m not interested in just for my personal benefit and that I know I’ll throw away later…It just doesn’t feel right to me.
I’m already doing some personal exercises, like holding fictional conversations with myself, thinking of ways to respond to hypothetical scenarios, imagining myself as a podcaster, twitch streamer, giving a conference, etc.. But I don’t know if that’s enough to prepare me for when the ‘actual thing’ will come (mainly because of my social anxiety), so I’d like to know if I should be doing something else or if there’s just no other way around it other than “just talk and you’ll get food eventually”.
4 comments
Interesting concept. First thing that comes to mind would be get comfortable with yourself. Stand/sit in front of the mirror and look at yourself. Really look. Work on accepting yourself fully. But know you can improve. Fix your posture and walk tall. Take up space when you sit. Laugh loud. Practice your eye contact. Work on your grip strength (for handshakes).
Then you should test it at your local cafe! Just take a book or laptop. Walk in alone, order your beverage and gave a short conversation with the till operator. Then sit right in the middle of the shop. See how you feel. Listen to your internal chatter. Write down how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. Commit to 45 minutes there alone.
I’ve found we spend so much time in our heads wondering what people think, gaining self condidence through acceptable has worked wonders on my social life and ability to strike up random conversations in social settings.
All the best.
Meditation is a good way of doing that. You’ll progressively learn how to loosen the grip your emotions have on you, and how to not act on them. This will make you a better listener, and more thoughtful in your social interactions.
Practice smiling at people you see on the street walking by. It’s a short enough interaction, no expectations, you never see them again, they may or may not see you. It practices holding eye contact and putting on a friendly face. If you want, you can say “good morning” and leave it at that.
these can help but trying to learn social skills without talking to people is like trying to learn a new language by only using a book, You might make some progress but you’re never going to achieve fluency.