My ex (19f), that I (22m) broke up with about a week and a bit ago, started texting me again, the conversations we had when we were together were mostly just friendly kind of stuff learning about eachother and talking random stuff. We broke up due to her cheating on me and lying. She reached out on thursday, after not speaking properly since I broke up with her the friday before. She wanted to tell me she got a car. It literally seemed like we were still dating whilst texting quickly. Yes, I probably shouldn’t have engaged but was supposed to be working, so was preoccupied.
Then the next morning she follows up with a statement about the car. And has tried speaking to me about the car pretty much everyday, with a variantion one of the days about her spreading memes and catfishing men in the US.
Now to the bit I want to ask. Why suddenly want to be a part of my life again, after making it seem like she couldn’t care less? And why make it feel like we had never split? Are there any ulterior motives that could be happening?
2 comments
It sounds like you need to talk to her and define the relationship. This will be the hardest step. Do not accuse her of anything. Let her speak for herself. She will either explain her side or expose herself. Whatever the answer is, it’ll become very clear. Ask open ended question to understand her.
“We just broke up, can you help me understand what that means?”
Do **NOT** ask “gotcha” questions. “Oh, so we can still text like nothing changed?” This is a big no no! Try to truly understand her. The point is you do not understand her side of the story or her understanding of the relationship. Once you understand, you progress with however you want to. Either as normal, less contact, or no contact.
If you want to cut ties with her, then lay down that boundary and enforce it **NO MATTER WHAT.** Once you let her safely cross your boundary, you’re subconsciously teaching her it’s okay and safe to completely ignore your boundary. If you cannot enforce it, do not set a boundary. If you can’t set a boundary because of enforcement issues, then lower your boundary to a level you can enforce and do it. Your boundary is not a wish list. Your boundary is not something you wish is true.
He broke up with you. He has no right to a reply. Done.