My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been together for almost two years. He is the only man that I have ever loved and is the most patient and understanding person I know. Recently he went away with his family for 2 months to another country. He was leaving for this trip a week after I had returned home from college. I only saw him once, which was the day that I came home. He just got back 3 days ago, and already he is spending time with friends that he went on his trip with. I know it’s only been 3 days, but this kinda bothers me. I saw him on one occasion in the past 3 months. He did talk to me daily throughout this time, but he hasn’t called me on the phone since he got back. On top of this, our anniversary is this weekend, and he still hasn’t asked me to hang out. He is a very go with the flow kind of person and super laid back. He tells me constantly that he loves me but I am upset by feeling like he always puts his friends first. I want him to have a great social life outside of me, but I want individual attention at times. I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable and if not, how to bring this up without sounding demanding and controlling.
TL;DR: My boyfriend sees his friends all the time and does not make enough of an effort to hang out with me, even though we talk everyday. How do I tell him that I think he prioritizes his friends over me and it bothers me without coming off as controlling and demanding?
3 comments
No relationship is going to succeed without quality time. You’re not being unreasonable, if these are your expectations then you need to bring it up with him. Ask him where exactly you fit in his life? Don’t settle for less
How does being “go with the flow” have anything to do with not making an effort to see your gf after 2 months?
How it is being unreasonable to want to spend time with the person who claims to love you?
You’re not asking for every waking moment. Just say the facts: you were traveling for 2 months and I have only seen you once since you got home. I’m surprised you haven’t wanted to get together more often.
Actions need to back up his words.
Go with the flow? So basically he picks and chooses what’s important to him when it’s convenient to him, and everything else is really not that important. Hmmm sounds just about right. I’m going to tell you what happened to me and choose your mode of action. Once upon a time back in my college days, my boyfriend at that time went back to his home country for 2 1/2 months(I’m American. He was from Mexico). No cellphones, but had email and chat. For those 2 1/2 months we chatted, emailed each other atleast every other day. When he returned, I was showered with cool gifts from Mexico and even his mom got me something too. Went to dinner with his family ON THE DAY THEY RETURNED. This was back in 1998. Your man couldn’t give you the courtesy to communicate BECAUSE HE LOVES GOING THROUGH LIFE WITH HIS SELFISH FLOW. You know, his needs COMES FIRST and everything else just fades in the back. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT BACKGROUND NOISE TO HIM. YOU ARENT A PRIORITY. YOUR FEELINGS DONT MATTER TO HIM, because YOU ARE NOT PART OF HIS FLOW. So, STOP WASTING YOUR TIME WITH A GUY WHO TREATS YOU and makes you feel like you matter ONLY WHEN ITS CONVINIENT TO HIM. Break-up, and go about your life. And when he does call you, DONT PICK IT UP. And if he angrily texts you why you haven’t returned his calls simply say “I’m just going with the flow. just like YOU HAVE”.