Lately my(20) boyfriend(20) has only been wanting to hangout with me at his house, so I don’t bother trying to get ready and do a full face makeup. Recently, I’ve been asked by my friends to go out and I I’ve been looking my best. My boyfriend got upset and started an argument, because I don’t dress like that for him and when I told him to give me a “reason” to dress up for him, he got so mad and said “I should be the reason, I didn’t think you needed a reason” . Did I mess up? Is he right?
TL;dr: my boyfriend got mad that I dress up for friends and look natural and unready when I’m with him.
28 comments
Does he dress up for you?
Schedule a date and get dressed up.
This guy is probably trash though. Do with that what you will.
Is he “dressed up” for your nights in?
He’s not wrong…
Look at it this way:
Imagine your bf was a slob and the home was always a mess. But when company comes over, he spends hours cleaning up and making the home presentable and comfortable.
Don’t you want a clean home every day?
I understand your POV of “give me a reason”; you think “if you take me out somewhere, I’ll get dressed up for you.”. But he feels the fact that your his GF should be enough, that you should want to look good for him regardless of where you’re going and what you’re doing.
The bottomline is you’re comfortable with your BF and don’t feel like any effort to look your best is required anymore. You can relax and let your hair down, so to speak. But remember what you showed him in the early stages of the relationship. You made and effort for him then… why stop now?
When you mention you want him to give you a reason to dress up, what are you thinking exactly?
If you’re thinking a date night then suggest it. He’s annoyed that he doesn’t see you looking your best all dressed up, but won’t suggest a situation that might allow you to do so.
I want to see my partner dressed nice in my company, but I’m not going to expect it when we’re home. But it would be good for a nice date – and I’m making sure I also put effort into dressing up myself.
Quick question, so if he should give you a reason to dress up for him, what reasons are the people who see you dressed up on a night out giving you ?
No! You are totally right! Why should a woman dress up just to hang out at a bf’s man cave?
However, a guy might be mad at a hooker who came over in sweats!
If you expect him to give you a reason to look nice for him( which imo is the bare minimum you should do for your partner)
What are the reasons the people outside your relationship are giving you for you to look good for them??
If he should have a reason .. does your friends have one ? No ? Then you’re the wrong here
He sounds annoying. Does he get dolled up for you just to Netflix and Chill? Doubt it. That double standard shows at least a baseline of entitlement and maybe a touch of misogyny, if he’s expecting something of you he’s not doing himself.
Does he know you’d like to go out more? It sounds like you’ve suggested it, and he declines. He’s being lazy. Keeping the spark alive is an active and constant effort. Maybe you guys can sit down and talk. Agree to a certain amount of date nights a month. It’s ridiculous that he would expect you to dress for the club to chill at his bachelor pad.
If you were just going to hang out at your friends house, would you show up the same way you do to hang out at his place?
But I’m on your side. Not doing full face and hair to eat microwaved pizza rolls and watch Netflix.
Is he dressing up for your nights in?
Is he making any effort for you?
I mean he’s certainly not making effort towards you two going on a date if he’ll only hangout at his place.
Your boyfriend sounds weird. If he wants you to get dressed up, he should offer to take you out somewhere. Most boyfriends are more than happy to see their girlfriends without makeup and dressed casual, because they’re getting to see something nobody else sees. I reiterate: your boyfriend sounds weird
This sounds like one of those…. well I guess this is the consequences of my own actions and it’s making me mad… he wants to just casually hang and sees you being casual and blames you instead of changing things with his own actions
He’s insecure and he won’t want to hear that trust me. Im a guy working on my insecurities and it took me loosing something good to come to terms with it and face it and get help. Honestly I don’t see this been a healthy relationship. Might be best to end things. You can revisit the idea of talking to him in the future but most of the time people don’t change or not for the right reasons.
He sounds jealous and insecure. You are dressing up because you are going out. I would clarify this with him, and tell him you are not going to do makeup and dress up to chill in the house, the same way he’s not going to dress up and wear cologne for a night in.
Your boyfriend is a loser.
“I dress up for people who dress up for me. You are welcome to participate whenever you want”
I’m guessing this 20 year old guy doesn’t even have a bed frame. In ten years you’re gonna look back on this guy and wonder what you were thinking.
Ngl when my gf was doing this it also made me upset.
My bf used to get bad I got full on ready to cocktail waitress, but not when we’d hang out. Asked him if he was gonna pay me, and if so I’d put makeup on for him. We broke up pretty soon after.
Makeup is expensive. Is he paying for your clothes and makeup to get dolled up to stay in? If not, I think you have your answer.
As a married man in my mid-30s, I think he’s out of line. I consider the fact that my wife is comfortable being herself around me to be a sign our relationship is GOOD.
Either way, though, calling you a gold digger is extremely uncool. What gold does he think you’re digging, exactly?
Your boyfriend is a child.
Ask him if he expects you to dress up and put on makeup to stay at home, and if he thinks that’s a fair request. Point out that you dress up for more special occasions, and staying home is not an occasion, even if he’s there. If he doesn’t do anything special even when you do go out, feel free to mention that as well. If he has any reaction to this question other than “oh duh, I’m an ass and an idiot and that is a completely ridiculous expectation,” dump him.
You should be comfortable in your own home and his, and comfortable outside of it. He should be glad you’re comfortable enough with him to dress down if you’re more comfortable dolled up outside the house. Your youth is too short to waste on someone who has strong expectations about your appearance!
he’s comfortable being a bum & is being insecure. he knows you can do better than him so he’s projecting his insecurity onto you to manipulate you. Do what you will with that info
Get out! That’s controlling. If he’s not doing the same thing what does he expect? Also how’s clean is his place?
Would you want him to go on dates with you? You mentioned he only wants to hang out at his house – are you upset by lack of effort and in turn don’t want to make an effort yourself?
It’s a shtty double standard that a guy only has to shower and put on fairly clean clothes for a date, and a woman needs to doll up or else she’s “lazy”.
You shouldn’t do makeup if you don’t want to. I don’t do it at all and definitely wouldn’t start just because someone tells me they prefer it. (Unless the deal is that i can ask the same of them. And it’s not a regular thing.) However, if you like to wear it, and you only don’t do it because he doesn’t meet your needs for romance and you don’t want to be the only one to do the work – it doesn’t have to be an argument. You can tell him what you want him to do for dates and he can tell you what he wants and you can discuss your expectations and come up with a plan where both of you get what you want.
My ex wife would wear pajamas all day every day. She put no effort to look pretty for me. Really depressing to see her like all day every day.