I have to preface this post with a disclaimer. I’ve been single for quite some time, by choice. I am not outgoing, probably since I have spent the last few months working on myself by focusing on my goals, my mental health, and learning to enjoy my own company. It’s been great; but unfortunately, when it comes to men, I feel like a damn 15-year-old girl all over again. Socially inept and anxious in terms of dating or flirting. However, I’ve reached a point where I’m trying to get outside of my comfort zone since it has become so limited in this aspect, it’s pathetic. Which is doing nothing for my confidence, obviously.
Here’s the situation.
About 2 days ago, I went to McDonald’s before heading home for the night. I saw this really cute guy in the drive thru and I said, “F— it” and got out of my car and gave him my number. I live in a relatively small town – I might not see another random cute boy for god knows how long. He’s definitely out of my league, and I don’t even consider myself unattractive. He looks a little bit like Jacob Elordi.
He ended up texting me before he even left the drive thru line. Found out he lives a block away from me too. Bonus points, he’s an attorney. Super smart, which I think is really attractive. I’m picky, and I got a little bit excited to be honest.
We’ve discussed hanging out, but I was apprehensive about inviting this random guy to my place, or vice versa. He has asked for us to hang out – when everything is closed – twice. I have declined and explained the above, but I let him know I’m interested in hanging out. He was incredibly responsive over the past few days… until then. Now he hasn’t reached out to me at all; and didn’t even respond to a selfie I sent him in response to him sending a photo of himself “to ensure I knew what he looks like” (it was dark when we met, and very brief). He had told me I was cute prior to that, but who really knows honestly.
Despite the book I’m writing right now, I’m not really bent out of shape over it. I just give a lot of context and detail – *but -* like I said, I’ve been working on me, and something I’ve struggled with the most is confidence. I’ll be fine if I never hear from him again, but I would like to know what the reason for the sudden loss of interest could be.
My thoughts? Thinking maybe he just wanted a quick hookup, or he doesn’t actually think I’m attractive now that he’s seen me in the light. Lol!
I have an engineer’s mind, so I like to pick things apart. I’m also very picky so while I am happy being alone now, I want to at least keep my options open. So, what do you think, what did I do to “scare him off”? Or am I just overthinking it? And what’s the deal with dating culture now? It’s very strange that we have normalized inviting strangers to your place. I’m noticing it more now than I ever did before. Is this something you guys do, or am I just hanging out with the wrong people?
TIA!
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tldr; gave my number to cute guy in McD’s drive thru. He texted immediately and continued the conversation before trying to make plans to meet at his house or mine. I declined twice in the 2 days we’ve been texting, still expressed my interest in hanging out otherwise. I am apprehensive about going to his house or vice versa, I don’t really know this guy. He stopped texting altogether and seems to have lost interest. What’s the deal?
10 comments
He was definitely looking for the hookup and he assumed that the reason why you even had the confidence to go up to him and give him your number is because you desired him THAT much. It’s very rare for a woman to approach men, unless they are completely attracted to him, so he figured you were ready to fuck on Day 1.
I honestly recommend that next time, if you find yourself in this situation, it might just be good to get laid and try to gain sexual confidence which would lead to other parts of your confidence. It helps to get out of the big dry spell you put yourself in.
>He has asked for us to hang out – when everything is closed – twice.
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1. unlikely to ask a third time (why not you ask him, when things are open?)
>something I’ve struggled with the most is confidence.
2. Confidence Attracts! lack of confidence may repel
>I would like to know what the reason for the sudden loss of interest could be
3. Tactics? Seeing what you’ll do if he lets things slide for a week or two. Clearly, he has ways to occupy himself, and isn’t terrified someone else will scoop you up in the meantime.
He just wanted to get an easy fuck and wasn’t very interested in you. You made things hard, he lost interest. Sorry
He isn’t interested, that’s what happened. There’s no reason other than that he isn’t interested. The specifics don’t really matter, he’s the only one who knows. All you and we can do is guess
To be brutally honest – you can’t be surprised if this guy was a lawyer that also looked like a male model/actor. Probably has an abundance of options, and if one of his options isn’t even in his league (your words) and is making it difficult for him to get what he wants, he’s bound to lose interest and move on.
I suggest you examine your dating goals and go in with a purpose. If you’re chasing that caliber of man, prepare yourself for the likely possibility that they just want to use you for quick sex.
Sorry, I just thought you were not interested and found someone else.
You shot him down twice, and if he’s handsome and successful, I’m willing to bet the next lady he asked didn’t.
Have you made sure he’s single?
Oh he thought you were sexually available and wants a quick nut.
Nothing to feel bad about, he is just a sleaze.
Cute, an attorney and a sleaze
He asked you out twice and you declined. But did you reciprocate with a time that feels better for you?