Is It Weird to Search People On Socials?

Alright, let’s get into the story. To preface things, I’m pretty socially awkward until I get to know someone. That is, if we’ve become friends already, and I’ve let my guard down, I’m actually a pretty boisterous personality. I love talking to people. I love making people laugh. I love the idea that, love me or hate me, you’ll never forget me.

…But before that shift occurs, I’m a mess – particularly when it comes to talking to people that I’m attracted to. I’ll always tense up and trip over my words.

A couple months ago, we had a new girl at work and everything about her piqued my interest. We liked a lot of the same music, she had impeccable fashion sense, we have the same political values and ideals – and honestly, she was just really cute.

As we worked together, she started talking to me more – asking me a lot of questions about my life and my preferences. Calling me her “best friend”. Telling me she would, “start a union with me,” at the place we worked 😂

It seemed like she had taken an interest in me – and whether she wanted to be friends or something more, I was interested, too. She was just a cool person.

Well, one day I took something up to the registers (she was a cashier) and we had a small conversation and she said, “Anon, we should hang out sometime.” My heart jumped into my chest. My eyes averted her. I didn’t know how to react. So… I continued the conversation we’d been having. Again, she said, “Anoooon, we should hang out sometime!” The drawn out “O” is important here!

Anyway, I, being the social butterfly that I am, responded with, “What- what kind of hanging out? Like, what does that mean?” Except there was even more stuttering involved. She asked me if I watch movies and I basically said, “Nope!” as I walked away, following up with, “…I mean, I’m not *against* it. I just *don’t*.”

Before I left that day, she spoke to me again and asked to see what was on my shirt (Samus, Metroid Fusion btw) and then told me it was cool.

We didn’t directly work together much after that, but every time that we crossed paths, she initiated conversation. I appreciated that so fucking much, as someone who struggles with social interaction.

Every day, I’d plan on meeting her in the break room to offer her some candy – just to show her I’m not some aloof goofball (aloofball, if you will) that was simply brushing her off. But, being that we worked different departments, a lot of times we wouldn’t leave at exactly the same time – so she’d be on her way to clock out as I was walking toward the front door.

This went on for a couple of weeks until I had some time off scheduled to go to a concert (Brian Wilson + Chicago!). It was only two days, but by the time I’d returned to work, I noticed I hadn’t seen her for awhile. Then, when I checked the schedule, I noticed that her name and future shifts were all crossed out.

I was gutted.

…I still remember her name from whenever I’d go and check the schedule, and lately, I’ve been thinking of trying to look her up on socials to reconnect. But I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. For one thing, because I have anxiety around using people’s names – so the thought of even typing it in is kind of nerve racking. But the second, bigger reason is that it just makes me feel sort of like a stalker.

I don’t know how her employment ended, but she was a very strong minded person. I feel like it was abrupt, so there wasn’t really any way that she would have had the chance to tell me before hand, if she did want to keep contact.

The other thing is, I didn’t present myself to her in the best way – so she may have thought that I just didn’t like her.

I would hate to let the opportunity to get to know someone slip through my hands if the only thing stopping it is a weird twist of fate and an understanding. I mean, if she isn’t interested, she’ll say so and it’ll be done. No questions asked.

Still. I don’t want to come off as a creep.

Would it be weird of me to look her name up and send her a message asking if she’d still like to be friends?