I have no problem talking to folk one on one. It’s pretty easy and I have great social skills if you see me engaging in a one on one interaction.
However, add another person into the dynamic, and unless I’m already very good friends with both people, I tend to become very quiet. I just don’t know how to fit in.
If we’re all already good friends it’s not an issue at all.
For example, sitting at my desk at work today chatting to the coworker who sits next to me. Another coworker (who I’ve spoke to multiple times individually) comes over and starts talking to us. I get uncomfortable and disengage in the convo and basically just stare at my screen and do work, not even listening.
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I wouldn’t say that I was uncomfortable in groups before but I didn’t thrive. I had a couple of friends that I met one on one from time to time. Really good friends. I didn’t really like the shallow nature of being in groups. I liked deep talk more. A couple of years ago however I embraced “The more the merrier”. I started to say yes to hanging out in groups and even encouraged more people to join whenever I could. In hindsight I would say it has the following advantages:
* You tend to meet a lot of new people (therefore bigger chance to find meaningful contacts)
* You can make more people happy (instead of consciously excluding people)
One good thing is that this doesn’t exclude hanging out one on one. You just learn to hang out in another way. Anxiety wise it steadily reduced over the years. Now I feel **very**
comfortable and it feels like I am starting to master it.