My boyfriend grabs my tits like a five year old and it’s driving me nuts

35 comments

1. Is he like this in public or does he only become like this when you two are alone?

2. Nope. If I say do not touch me there and he does it anyways? We’re done. I don’t care how great he is in other ways. He cannot respect a basic request? Absolutely not.

3. Lay it down. Talk to him (not when he’s done it) and set a boundary and a consequence with him. “BF, when you grab my tits, I feel [humiliated/assaulted/objectified/your words here]. The next time you do it, I will [leave the room/leave the apartment/burn the house down (don’t burn the house down)].” AND STICK TO IT.

   He does it again (and he will), simply carry out the consequence. Put down whatever you are doing and calmly walk out. He’ll probably try to argue or negotiate or turn it on you (“Why are you so sensitive?”) You can remind him that this whole thing is not a discussion: You are not asking him to stop, you are TELLING him to stop, and when he doesn’t, you walk out.

   It’s not rocket surgery.

   Once he realizes that this behavior will deprive him of your company, hopefully he will stop.

   With all that said, I’d have no tolerance for this shit. And then he adds insult to injury by pouting and manipulating. He[‘s acting like he has a right to just grab your body, and your protests are annoying. If I ever grabbed my SO in some way, and he said STOP THAT!, I would jump back, apologize profusely, and never fucking do it again.

   I would try the above, or cut straight to, “BF, I’m done.”

4. You’ve asked him to stop touching you in a sexual way. He continues to touch you.

   That’s sexual assault. The legal definition of sexual assault.

   I’d leave him. He doesn’t respect you.

5. Then punch him. Anytime you’re being assaulted, reciprocal violence is appropriate.

6. Kick his nuts every time he passes by you. If he complains, say “you don’t like being touched”.

7. so he regularly assaults you?

8. Wow sounds like my bf. I’ve been with him for a few years. He did this for the first years. I couldn’t fathom wtf was going on because he was treating me well in other ways. I eventually stopped him by, unfortunately, treating him like a child. I explained over and over that I didn’t like it, it was uncomfortable, it hurt. And more importantly I would block his hand or push him away. Even walk out of the room if he did it too hard.

   He stopped. He stopped when I told him it was a dealbreaker and I felt like i had to “protect myself” around him and that was NOT something I was willing to deal with in a relationship.

   I don’t know why the fuck it took so long or why he didn’t understand/care at first how sensitive my boobs are. And that no, grabbing them is not foreplay.

   Idk what to tell you except out your foot down HARD and make it clear you will not be accepting it. Even if you are sometimes “overreacting”, it’s important not to let him get away with it for a single time starting now. Don’t let him touch you until he proves he can be trusted. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE ANGRY. I was so reserved all the time that I didn’t realize I wasn’t standing up for myself.

9. This would basically be a dealbreaker for me, but you can try to reason with him more if you feel committed to him. Ask him to explain why he feels the need to do this. Why it seems worth it to him to keep doing it when you’ve told him you feel assaulted and turned off by it. There’s really no good justification or reason for him to do this while you feel disrespected by it. He’ll either realize that or not, in which case idk he sounds like a bad partner not just for grabbing your tits but for not listening to your needs and disrespecting you.

10. My bf does this. Soooo many people have said it’s a mismatched sex drive, that some guys are just touchy etc and I think it’s bullshit. I told my bf I feel like a toy and he said then it’s better we stay away from each other.

11. >If any other man did this, I’d fucking punch them.

    Stop considering him as any other man. That is the only solution after telling him, repeatedly, that you don’t like it. Or break up with him.

12. >My boyfriend grabs my tits like a five year old

    Wrong. A five year old would have actually learned not to act like that, and they certainly would have got the message about it being bad behaviout in a lot less than two years!

    This isn’t immaturity, this is outright disrespect and sexual assault. You have TWO YEARS of telling him – a 28 year old adult male – that you don’t like and it he needs to stop and he’s still doing it because him enjoying it is more important to him than how it makes you feel. If I were in your shoes I’d be seriously reconsidering whether I’d want to stay with someone who is knocking on the door of 30 but still hasn’t learned about respecting other people’s bodies or feelings.

13. My “knee jerk reaction” is just to knee him every time he does it. Does that hurt? You just don’t like being touched. But, sigh, that would make you no better than him.

    So, the adult thing to do is to just tell him to fucking knock it off. And don’t be vague. Tell him you’re done being “polite” about it, abd it has now become a relationship dealbreaker that he’s acting like a toddler. He sounds exhausting.

14. you put up with this for two years ?!?!

15. Spray him with a spray bottle of water

16. The only way to stop him is to dump him.

17. First of all him saying you don’t like to be touched means he prioritizes his desires over your own autonomy over your body, AND HE KNOWS IT. Gross.

    Second, get a big ole firm grip of balls when he does it again and see if he likes that. Or you know, just break up with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you.

18. he is assaulting and then taunting you. Doing it back promotes violence. He is showing a lack of respect and it’s up to you to decide where the line is…

19. Punch him in the dick and when he complains say “you just don’t like being touched.”

20. Gawd. How annoying. My husband used to think it was funny to jump out and startle me. What he didn’t understand is that it would make my anxiety skyrocket and could sometimes trigger a panic attack. I had a serious talk with him. No yelling. And just laid it out. “Scaring me isn’t funny or cute. It makes me not trust you and makes me feel anxious and on edge that it could happen at any time. Stop doing it” he apologized profusely and never did it again.

    Maybe something like that will work. Don’t wait until he does it. Do it when you’re calm and not pissed off. Let him know that it doesn’t feel good. It’s not cute and as a woman we have spent years keeping men’s unwanted hands off of us and you shouldn’t have to feel like that at home. Touch should be loving and fun and any touch that causes you this much discomfort is a boundary he can’t cross.

    If he doesn’t respect that, then he is a jerk.

21. Start randomly giving him a nut tap or poking him in the butthole and see how he feels.

22. >It feels like an assault

    It is

    >the more serious I was about it, the more he would blow it off.

    So he is blatantly disrespectful and doesn’t care about your feelings. Not to mention having no respect for consent

    >He literally says as a counter-response, “you don’t like being touched.”

    DARVO

    >How do I get him to stop it?

    He doesn’t cre about your feelings or respect your body. You can’t get him to stop. He doesn’t care.

    >he motivates me, helps out in many parts of my life, and we have so much in common. He is a confidante.

    And here is where I tell people that Ted Bundy volunteered at a suicide hotline and was helping raise his longterm GF child. Still not a good person.

    Because someone can be decent in one aspect of your relationship does not make them a good partner. He doesn’t respect you and doesn’t care about your feelings. He has no respect for consent or your boundaries for your own body. He’s not a good partner. He won’t wake up and realize he should respect you.

23. Doesn’t matter what sort of relationship you’re in. Doesn’t matter which partner it is. If there is unwanted contact it’s Sexual or Physical Assault.

    This sounds like Sexual Assault to me.

    Edit: Ask if he would like to be on a list.

24. So he basically thinks your body is for his pleasure, to touch, grab and whatever else when he wants to?
    Because that’s what’s happening here. By not respecting your physical boundaries & emotions, he’s just being selfish & only caring about what he wants.

25. I know it can be tempting to think because it feels minor, like it’s just being clumsy with your tits, that it’s something you ought to isolate as a problem.

    But it is deeper than that. This isn’t just about him yanking on your bits, it is about communication, respect, empathy, and boundaries. Because right now every time you try to communicate he just straight up shuts you down or deflects with platitudes or at times just sarcasm or gaslighting. Clearly it represents a lack of respect for you, both as a person expressing needs but also just as a feeling being that is expressing discomfort. Like it is a weird lack of empathy too since despite not having breasts if told it hurts to grab them I can imagine what physical discomfort feels like and react accordingly. And just the consistent crossing of your boundaries, almost to the point of spite.

    Like he is 28. He shouldn’t still be basing his sex moves on pornos. It’s gross and stupid. But ignoring the specific circumstance the reality is the problem represents a more fundamental failure in the relationship. Though let’s be clear: don’t conflate immaturity and what he actually is: selfish.

    Just be careful. This all represents a bad mindset underpinning your relationship. Honestly I don’t see why you’d want to date someone so willing to hurt you, so perhaps part of this is reflecting on your own standards here.

26. He isn’t going to stop. He doesn’t respect or care about your feelings, consent or body autonomy. Dump the guy who sexually assaults you regularly. He doesn’t see you as a human worthy of respect or boundaries.

27. Been married 25 years. I used to grope the wife’s butt in private at home. She said it annoyed her and wanted me to stop. Asking if she is sure, I haven’t done it since. Men can control themselves.

    But for the last 22 years or so she has asked me “why I stopped?!?” I. Will. Not. Do. It. Again. She said it annoyed her and she disliked it. So I have respected that and will until I die. I told her that I am not a mind reader and don’t know when it will switch back to not liking it. As she has gotten older she has regretted it. I explained alternate ways I have shown affection but will not put her or myself in that position.

    I have gotten crap from some ladies saying that I am taking this too far. To them I say, fuck you! She was abused before we met. I told her when we met “no” will always be “no” and “never” will always be “never”.

28. Oh gosh. Him saying “you don’t like being touched” is his gaslighting you. Don’t let him do that. That’s the same as someone saying “you can’t take a joke” when something hurts your feelings. Your feelings are valid and he shouldn’t be touching you without your consent anyhow

29. He continues to assault you after you tell him to stop, so tell me again why you are so in love with him? Instead of looking for a partner who won’t sexually assault you and treat it like a joke?

30. It feels like an assault because it is.

    Make it very clear to him that he must stop or you are done.

31. “it feels like an assault.” That is because it is, you have told him numerous times how much you don’t like it, he continues to do it without consent.

32. Ugh I hate when guys do stuff like this. It sometimes hurts and is not sexy at all. Huge red flag for me. I hope he finally listens to you, and things work out for the best. But it shows how he doesn’t have respect for you, and it may lead to worse things. Him claiming “you don’t like to be touched” after you ask him to not hurt you is gaslighting and abusive behavior.

33. I would show him this thread. There is no excuse for his behavior. It’s abusive.

34. My husband used to do this. He would also walk up behind me and grab me between the legs….in front of our children or his parents. Same reaction, I hated it and he would just say “so you don’t like me touching you anymore?”. We are now separated for nearly 2 years and I don’t miss that shit at all.

35. Jam your hand in between his butt cheeks every time he does it. You’re welcome.