Fiance(m24) opened up about childhood trauma, but I(f24) feel powerless to help him

**TL;DR**: Fiance opened up about his childhood purity trauma ahead of our wedding and some specific incidents. I want to help him, but I feel powerless with some of the situations he mentioned, and he believes he isn’t good enough to ever get married

Our wedding is a few months off, but I want to state I have no issue delaying it at all. He (Nick) was my best friend long before we started dating, and he’s been there for me when I was going through stuff too. I lost my job due to layoffs in 2020, and it was an office job I was hoping to move up in. I had been there for a few years, but covid did a number on the company that led to many of us being released. I started as an intern, and it destroyed me when I was released. Nick was there for me when it happened and was amazing, and he helped me apply for other jobs too. I moved back with my parents after rent became too high (I lived alone at the time), but he spent so many nights applying together and texting me job openings. And on other nights, he’d bring snacks or flowers or movies to get my mind off of it in the early stages. Eventually, I found a new job, and he even sent flowers as a surprise one day too because I was nervous and uneasy about starting over. I brought him games and concert tickets (after finding work) to try and give back after how he helped me through that time, and I feel we became closer because of it

The reason I’m writing this is because of a recent conversation. We have been looking for apartments the past few months, but he told me that we needed to talk. We talked two days ago, but I’ll give some context first. He has been no-contact with his parents since 18 when he moved out with a roommate and roomate’s then-girlfriend. We both attended a Christian school, and I knew that his parents were overly-strict with him back then. He was even hit for keeping friends they didn’t like, and he had wanted to move out for some time. His roommates were two years older than him, and he stayed with them for almost two years until they became engaged and wanted to move elsewhere, and Nick had a job to rent a room by that time. His roommates are great friends with us, and they even prolonged moving out together until Nick was ready. But when he wanted to talk, it was about his parents

I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but when he said his parents, I was a little surprised. He seemed uncomfortable from the start too, but he said he wanted to apologize for something too. When I asked what for, he said he “should’ve said it earlier” but that he was “afraid of losing me”. He also called himself selfish and was really hard on himself, but he said he “wasn’t sure if he’d be able to satisfy me” because he “hated himself” among other things too. When I asked him why, he said he did “before high school” and that he was getting anxious leading up to our wedding. He told me that his parents made him feel that way, and he also reached out to a therapist too who suggested being honest with me. His parents were really strict about purity growing up (and I knew that), but this was the first time he was specific because he was ashamed of telling anyone (said he even struggled to tell the therapist). His parents used to hit him for finding stains in his laundry when he was as young as 13, and they told him that that was the “same as committing adultery”. They also told him that masturbating would “destroy his family and future marriage”, and they would have random checks of his bedsheets along with laundry too

He eventually got around them by doing laundry at night, but they also put a camera in the bathroom to make sure he wasn’t masturbating too, and he said they had a video of him masturbating along with using the restroom. They also used to check his private area randomly too, and he began to sleep on his back because he felt guilty for feeling pleasure while he slept. He became better as he grew older, and we’ve made out on many occasions. He also previously said he wanted to save sex for when we were married (he is not religious in any way now), but admitted it was because he was “afraid of letting me down” because he was convinced he’d never get married. When I asked him why he thought that, he said he read things about purity “ruining intimacy” and that he was afraid of not being enough. I told him that I loved him regardless of anything and that I was so sorry for everything he told me. I also told him that I didn’t think less of him for not saying it (until reaching out to a therapist) because it was really difficult, and I told him that it was good to reach out to a therapist too

However, he believes he’ll “never overcome it” and that “people like him shouldn’t get married”. I tried to tell him to not be so hard on himself, and I told him that I thought nothing less of him too. If anything, I said I thought more of him for reaching out for therapy. But he said he was miserable because “everyone said he had great parents” growing up and that they wouldn’t believe him. He recorded some of the lectures/punishments his parents gave him (on his phone), but believed it wasn’t enough to do anything legally. He also said he was unsure of pursuing it (and breaking no-contact) and was debating working on himself with his therapist instead. I told him that the choice was his and that I’d support whatever he wanted to do. But I felt that my words couldn’t make him feel better even when I hugged him because of everything he went through

I don’t know how to make him feel better, and that’s why I’m asking for help. It’s not about the wedding; I want to help him. I’m considering suggesting postponing it indefinitely so that it doesn’t make him feel anxious or rushed, and I honestly don’t care when it happens. I just want him to get past the belief that people raised on purity shouldn’t get married as he said, and I don’t care how long that takes. But aside from suggesting to postpone, is there anything else I can say or do too? We hung out at his place yesterday, but we just watched TV and he wasn’t ready to talk about it again. He said we could in a couple of days, but he was really quiet and just wanted to chill yesterday, and he has another therapy session coming up too. I really appreciate any suggestions and if you read all of that