I’m not gonna lie, the first time I saw his face he looked different compared to his photos. Cute, but not as cute as his pictures. But I still kinda liked him because he was nice and tall. We cuddled, watched movies and made out. He complimented me a couple times, saying I looked good then I’d get shy then he’d laugh. He also told me I was good at kissing. By the time he was leaving he hugged me a lot and kissed me more. To me, it was a cute little date, lots of smiling. Then on his way home his texts were dry and his texts were dry on the next day, saying “haha” “cool” “yeah”, like one word or two word replies so I did the same, then he told me he had some stuff to do and I responded with ok, good luck with that and that was my last response, I know he’s been active but he hasn’t texted me the whole day. I just feel anxious and can’t sleep properly knowing that maybe I’ve just been rejected, I can accept rejection but it makes me feel like shit because I actually liked him and was comfortable with him. And I don’t date much so I’m not very used to this feeling. I just want advice to help me clear my thoughts and feel better 🙂
Edit: I made it clear to him that I don’t hook up/have sex with people I just met and he understood that then said he wanted to see me and take me on a date.
46 comments
Welcome to the modern world of dating. I think he was trying to hook up and that didn’t happen? He probably lost interest and is moving on.
I don’t think it was a date in his mind, he just wanted to hook-up and lost interest, because it didn’t happen.
Happens to literally all of us. Seems like he wanted to have sex with you, wasn’t getting it and decided to move on to someone else.
He was looking to hookup and didn’t get it. He’s onto the next now.
Sorry this happened 💔 it looks like you were looking for different things, but it’s awesome you could enforce and honor your own boundaries
If you’re not looking for a hookup just saying it isn’t enough. Cuddling on the couch isn’t a date and contradictions the no hookups intent. Go out see if you connect save the stay in and cuddle nights for later on.
>But I still kinda liked him because he was nice and tall.
Tom Holland’s voice: “everywhere I go I see this”
I’m not sure what you’re worried about, it happens all the time. I’d say just get used to it
Ghosting happens all the time in online dating I’m afraid, even when you’re already just having sex. I hooked up with a guy who had the same level of sex enthusiasm as I, we kept sexting/texting frequently for about a month, had this whole long ass bucket list of stuff we’d tick off together, met up again and the sex was pretty… Mediocre, but certainly something I could’ve worked with. He suddenly became busy and that was the last time I heard from him, hah. Bit of a bummer because regular sex would be nice (no time for a relationship right now), but I get that with these kind of guys variety is the spice of their life or sometimes people just fade out for whatever reason. You just gotta let it go and move on, the sooner the better.
Ah I see you found a Fuckboii🌚
Be completely transparent and ask for what you want, don’t match his perceived responses. Talk to him in the way you normally would , if he is using less words don’t take that as not interested.
Ultimately, Reddit won’t help you because Reddit isn’t the person of interest. Be clear, confident and don’t be afraid to ask what you’re unsure of.
Even if he does start messaging you again to hang out I wouldn’t pursue it any more. Based on what you just experienced with him, I would bet that whenever you do decide to put out for him he’ll get what he wants and leave you hanging again.
Did you invite him over for the first date?
maybe dont invite someone over on the first date because he may get the idea that you also wanted to hook up. I know that you said you don’t want to hook up but you guys still got physical which is confusing
Cuddling and watching movies is a first date?
Well, this is dating. We tell strangers things to their faces we don’t mean so we can make them feel good while we’re in their presence. Trust me when I say, it’s the things people say, think and feel about you AFTER you leave them that count.
How tall was he ??
Out of genuine curiosity, how old are you and have you ever been ghosted or rejected before?
Don’t lose sleep over one ghost. The overwhelming majority of men deal with near constant rejection on a near constant basis. One rejection is not worth losing sleep over. You will be fine lol.
He moved on, and so should you. Ghosting is meant to avoid the tears and attempts to convince someone to get together again. Best to make a clean break and move on.
Relish the time you spent, and look for the next potential. Good luck
You have to continue to trust yourself and be patient, you can only control yourself and your own reactions. If y’all had a good date in your opinion then just relax and if he hits you up cool if not then move on to the next. Most dates do not pan out
Is there anyway you can talk on the phone or meet each other? It’s hard to do work/focus having to reply to texts sporadically.
Of course, he could take the time to say he’s busy, but may be avoiding potential conflict
Impressive. I get ghosted when I say hi.
He’s not interested.
It’s easy to misinterpret someone’s responses on texts, and hard to know what they are thinking through only text. You should be patient and not think too much about texting – for him, a short brief text may be his norm. Maybe he’s busy? There’s a ton of possible explanations.
As you get more experience dating you’ll learn not to read too much into texts and just roll with the punches. You’ll get rejected and have to just get back out there. It’s definitely a process in resetting your expectations.
Girl, don’t ever message him again. He just wanna hit you. Maybe he was disappointed bcuz you not let him. Nice decision 🥰💅
It literally happens to everyone at one point in our lives. I was ghosted by a guy who was 10 years older than me after one date. Which I didn’t understand at the time. But I now I kinda do understand why he did it. Just don’t except to hear from them again. That’s okay. Find somebody who won’t ghost you after a first date.
“…hasn’t texted me the whole day”.
You are not ready to date. Back in the oven, finish baking that inner sense of security.
Did you get ghosted? Maybe. Maybe not. Just pretend he got bitten by a rabbit and fell in a coma. Keep dating, and if he chimes back in, yay you can catch up as see if you still click. Way better than starting from zero with someone new.
Overall, stop placing so much expectation on this stuff. You went out, he was a fun date. You like him. That’s great. But not enough to pin your whole love life on, not yet.
Even if he DID text you back, this would still be a good time to keep your eyes open, and have another 2-3 first dates on the books.
The chemistry wasn’t there for him
Maybe he didn’t like you all that much in person but he still wanted to be nice so he didn’t say it to your face. Women do that all the time, specially since they (rightfully) fear that men may not take rejection well. It could’ve been that. I’d just close the chapter on this person and move on.
Edit: grammar.
Take home message for the guys: be tall.
I feel you so much. Same thing happened to me some months ago. He was always touching me and we even went to a supermarket and he grabbed my hand the whole time, I found it so cute. And while we were having dinner he was always smiling and looking at me. One time (I don’t remember the context) I said to him in a funny way “you have children?” and he responded “only with you” and that was so unexpected but I find it adorable ahah then next day he completely changed in the messages 🙂 completely dry and uninterested replies. After some time I asked him if he wants to hang out again and he said “ahaha maybe”. Well that was the end for me. I didn’t respond anymore and we never seen each other again. It’s scary how people can lie and manipulate you so well. It’s like no one treats you as a human person anymore. Just as an object to play with for one day…
Did he seem like an f*boi?
He’s got other chicks. So you need to get other.….
Tbh you sound very young and naive. Just stay busy and talk to other guys to take your mind off him. It’s an evil world we live in
The point of first dates is to get to know someone to figure out if you want to see them more. Sounds like he didn’t want to see you again, that’s all there is to it.
I’ve been in this situation, I’m a very friendly person and a bit too much of a people pleaser. So I’ll smile and be very friendly on dates even if I know there won’t be another. Most men also don’t know how to communicate and properly reject someone, so they just slow fade in hopes you just go away.
So yeah it’s sucks, but that’s dating for you. And to all the comments saying he was trying to hook up and that’s it – if he wanted sex he’d try harder and not just bail when she clearly enjoyed the date. It’s very likely he just didn’t want another date.
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To a guy, you’re basically sending out mixed signals by agreeing to a “cuddling on the couch” date. (It shouldn’t be like that but it is) DO NOT EVER do that if you aren’t looking to hook up. The guy will either attempt to coerce you into it or ghost you the next day.
Home dates are for hookups. No ifs ands or buts. Be very firm in your boundaries and only accept dates that are out in public.
He asked for a date to start the hookup process.
This is probably going to make me sound really old, but perhaps this is not the kind of first date you want to have if you are not interested in hook ups. Also for safety reasons. He got a night of cuddling and making out for nothing basically.
It’s been 24 hours. Calm down and get some hobbies. I don’t mean that in a rude way, seriously find things to do. Secondly, that’s not a date.
You said your last response was “good luck with that”.
Where exactly were you rejected?
In the future, don’t invite him to your home so early.
I wrote this poem a while ago after being rejected, for all you rejected love birds you.
​
“Rejection”
Well of course the fox, she looked her best
I counted sheep to stay at rest
a false assumption, one true test.
And though I dwell in constant hell
“the look” despised the wishing well
Oh! Why I feel? No one can tell.
It’s like a sappy tale, but with no fairy
that lead a dream which started scary
and ended sweet. A moral? Barely.
Oh! Why I feel? I’ll never know
an endless thought, a constant glow
that chains the life, to fake it slow.
The fox, she praises where she preys
above the shallow of my grave
and yet I still watch, in endless gaze.
The moral is? I soon recall
Don’t show love for the girl you fall
just never love the girl at all.
>But I still kinda liked him because he was nice and **tall**
Somehow it never hurts less reading women saying this
If someone texted me good luck with that I would take it as them letting me know they’re not interested. Not many ways to respond to a text like that.
Lol. Not getting a text for most of one day isn’t what being ghosted is.
You can’t sleep because a guy you met once hasn’t texted you in a few hours?
You need to quit dating and get into therapy. That level of neediness will torpedo anything you find.