She had a tough time delivering.. absolutely tore her shit up. Not gonna lie I watched the whole thing, and if she said it was good to go and no harm would come of it, I’d have hit it right after the last stitch went in. However, that’s not the case, I’m not even going to mention sex until she brings it up in 2, 4, 6 months.. as long as it takes her.
Not really a problem here but more of a curiosity. I seem to be way higher libido than ever before. Seeing her strength in bringing life into this world has brought on a new level of attraction (and the huge tits don’t hurt). Is it normal to see such a shift in libido this soon after birth?? I swear when I helped hold her leg up to push in labor, her leg brushing against my crotch gave me a stiffy. I had no problem with libido before (sex 1-2 times a week with no problems on either side), but now I’m beating the ever living shit out of my meat 1-2 times a day, with visual aid of her nude self when she feels like it.
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For me, and a woman’s perspective, the postpartum phase is ROUGH. I’ve had 2 c-sections, so no tearing or vaginal trauma, but I was breastfeeding and therefore giving my bodily autonomy and schedule over to an infant. Stress about “is baby getting the milk and nutrients they need to thrive?”, “am I still attractive, in spite of a very changed body?” And frankly, pure exhaustion, left me a little put off sex for a while.
Is it normal? I’d say yes. It was, at least, my norm. Have you communicated to her how you feel about her beauty in motherhood and her strength? The ego boost was my motivator. My partner built me up to every friend we ran into for a good 6 months postpartum. “Idk how she does it..” was commonly uttered. I felt empowered. Maybe that’ll help?
You need to take several seats here. Your wife just had a baby- and medically you are not cleared to have sex for a MINIMUM of 6 weeks because she has a dinner plate size wound that had to heal. Furthermore she tore BADLY which means that even if infection isn’t a risk after 6 weeks she’s probably not going to want sex for a while. Especially because she is now also caring for a newborn. If you have enough energy to be this concerned about your sex life more than anything else you aren’t caring for that child enough.
I don’t think there is anything to it but luck really.
You can do everything “right” and not have sex for a year or never change a diaper and have an amazing sex life. Minimizing her stress definitely wouldnt hurt anyways.
I think that’s incredibly sexy that you’ve had a shift in libido since she gave birth.
Do people think postpartum means she has no sex drive? No. She’s probably missing you just as much as you’re missing her. She’s probably horny as fuck too.
Keep loving up on her. When the times right, she’ll let you know and it’ll be worth the wait. She’s a fucking champ and deserves all the love you’ve been saving.
I like this story. I want a man like you. 👍
Your libido going up just means you absolutely love her. Is awesome
As a woman, my libido went up directly after. So much so I had sex within a week of giving birth. Everyone is different. And everyone’s hormones react differently after birth.
6 months it took me to have sex after my daughter
Everyone is going to have a different experience, however in general as partners you should both be committed to trying to meet each other’s needs. It should be completely normal and healthy for the two of you to have a conversation about each others needs, where you can explain how now that she gave birth your libido is way higher and you would like her to help satisfy it. Don’t expect it to be done exactly the way you want, but have a conversation about it that involves compromise. Maybe while she heals she can perform oral more, or model outfits for you, etc. There’s a lot of ways to have sexual encounters that don’t involve penetration, but could still help satisfy your desires.
On the flip side though, her needs may also have changed and you should be working to meet those as well. The stress and change in routine could be building up, dampening her desire for intimacy (or hell, maybe she just wants a night to sleep!). If you are going to have a conversation about your needs you should also talk about hers, even if hers are not sexual in nature.
At the end of the day you’ve both entered another phase of life, you have a child now, her body has changed, your desires have changed, your routines have changed. It’s a perfectly reasonable time to talk about needs and try to adjust where each of you are applying effort in your relationship. Just be willing to compromise and try to avoid things becoming overly transactional (I’ll do X if every time I do you do Y can quickly turn into a resentful situation).
You are right that it’s going to be a while before she feels up to having sex again. It’s normal to be more attracted to her now. Just keep showing her love and affection until she is ready, but also realize there may be times where she is all touched out from having a baby on her all the time and just wants to be left alone. That has nothing to do with you, it just happens when you have young kids that are all over mom all the time.
I have five kids, all of them vaginally and 4 of them with no pain meds. No tearing significant enough that it needed stitches. My libido really varied after each. With one, I was giving my husband head the day that we came home from the hospital and with all of them, we resumed sex a few days after the bleeding had stopped. That said, it wasn’t always frequent for the first little bit with all of them. The whole “touched out” thing is legitimate. With our two youngest, I was actually tandem nursing for a few months in addition to pumping. I felt like I was constantly covered in various bodily fluids (because I was) and I was exhausted. All that said, I appreciated that my husband kept a nice balance of trying to work in a quickie and letting me have some down time in the few minutes of silence we found. I never “forgot” that he was there and I knew he was wanting part of me, too, so I learned to make that a priority after we found our routine and balance with the new baby. I’m sure she will, too.
One thing to consider – I didn’t have that level of physical damage and the first time having any kind of penetration after giving birth was always a little anxiety inducing. Like… similar to the feelings I had when I lost my virginity and didn’t REALLY know what to expect it to feel like. Maybe start slow. Tons of lube, fingers or small toys first and let her lead by doing it herself first and letting you know when she’s ready or letting her hand guide yours. Each of those times, as soon as I realized that it was a little different but that things were fine, it was on like Donkey Kong.
I appreciate hearing this and it gives all women whk have birthed whether vaginally or c section(like myself) a real warmth to hear you see her so fiercely. With you communicating and continuing to tell her how bright you burn for her, she will find her way back to you sooner then later. Its really uncommon sadly, for a man/father to be like this. Which is greatly why intimacy post baby suffers (all needs of child and mom aside).
Bro i think this is common in a lot of women. Maybe not the tearing i dont know but post partum is a bitch. My wife was so bad after our first she was having thoughts of suicide and everything in between. It was hard i didnt get any for like 3 months. I heard six weeks and i was excited to finally have sex after 6 weeks. I mean this is coming from a guy who had sex like twice a day everyday of the pregnancy all the way till the day we gave birth. And then to suddenly not get any that was hard to be disciplined about but when week 6 was finally there i was ready to go grabbed a rubber and was like fuck yeah lets do it only to have homies feeling hurt with a door being shut in my face and locked. So i ended up waiting. Honestly it was ok i was enjoying my time with my daughter and it was all good. The worst part of the whole deal though was the fact that they said she ripped. When the doctor told her that i piped up with these exact words, “yall some fucking liars yall straight cut that shit. Acting like i aint just watch that shit” they straight ignored my ass though. So i felt awkward as shit lol. But nah man that shit is normal. Post partum is different for all women and is even different between kids. Sometimes its easy sometimes its hard as fuck. You just gotta be willing to listen and try your best to understand.
Communication my man. It’s key. And I’m sure your feelings for her will be a compliment in times like this, when women tend to question a lot of things. Your libido is driven by love and list both but that’s the perfect balance. Pretty sure she misses ya as well but you both have different priorities at the moment. She in particular as her focus is entirely the new member to your family. Join her efforts, talk to her about it and it will all be fine. Btw Congratulations!! 🤗
BTW, what you’re feeling is totally normal and wonderful! You see her as an amazing amazon woman who brought your beloved child into this world, and that’s super healthy! You’ve got oxytocin and dopamine following to help you bond to your wife and newborn, that’s what’s amping you up. 🙂
I remember going through this. Your wife will come around when she’s ready. It’s completely normal. Just do everything you can to take care of her and the little one and when she’s ready it will be great and will be extra luetful snd special. And if I can give any advice make sure you stay consistent with the sex when ur back at it so it’s always apart of your life. Also we did a lot of cuddling and rubbing and massaging and skin to skin contact to keep up the emotional connection i think it was important.
This is what a drem man sounds like ladies and gentlemen
Birth trauma is real. If you haven’t already, please look it up. Sex will be the last thing on her mind if this is what she’s going through.
You just keep telling her how much you love/admire/are attracted to her. How proud you are of her strength, and help her as much as you can(this will help her heal faster/better. Letting her know these things and being a help when she needs it will help her emotionally as well. You sound like a great SO. She is a lucky, blessed lady. Congratulations on the new baby.
I think you really need to tell her shower her with compliments over how much you love her changing body and how the strength she shows makes you feel incredibly atttacted to her
I honestly think you know you have to wait and it’s making it seem “worse” haha
I was a bad new dad and I admit it . I didn’t enjoy being at the birth of both my kids at all.
Both times the mid wife made me feel like a shit and I was in the way, a sort of look at the pain you have caused this woman. Get out of my way man.
I hope midwifery in the UK had changed for the better now . Having witnessed both births it turned me off sex for almost a year after each birth. I had trouble bonding with my babies both times and only changed three nappies in my life . ( Something I’m not proud of by the way . I just took myself off to work and did loads of overtime ). The MIL moved in and took control so I left them to it.
But by the time each child was about two I was then able to bond . But as a new dad I was rubbish and it did put a strain on our relationship for a time.
Best wishes to you OP. Enjoy your new family and shower her with love.
My 2nd birth was a dream, painful but I was back in the saddle a week later. My husband also was very turned on by all of it – being new parents, having seen me going through labour, huge milky breasts. Sex was amazing!
I feel like my sex life exploded after I had my baby. I don’t know if it was the fact that we couldn’t have it whenever we wanted it or what but we had been together for 7 years before that and it got so good after the baby.
Watching my husband be a father had the same effect on me. I had a c-section so we did have to wait 8 weeks but we did other stuff within days. Due to infection risk, only her hands should be on her stuff, and on the outside, but its still possible to have some fun if she shares your interest.
It is hard after. She is going to be tired. Watch out for post partum depression or other issues. My wife developed depression and thyroiditis after our 2nd.
>I’m not even going to mention sex until she brings it up in 2, 4, 6 months.. as long as it takes her.
You’re allowed to mention sex. What is flirting, anyway? You’re on the right track, though, not to push her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.
You didn’t say when your kid was born, or whether your wife is nursing. Physically healing can take a long time, and her vagina and perineum might still hurt. Nursing can flatten libido, not to mention making lubrication nearly impossible. In short, don’t expect it to be possible for your wife’s libido to return until the nursing slows or stops.
>I seem to be way higher libido than ever before.
You’re also fully aware of what you’re not getting. The most important sexual organ is between the ears.
>now I’m beating the ever living shit out of my meat 1-2 times a day, with visual aid of her nude self when she feels like it.
I hope that means you still have loads of energy to do your fair share with the baby and the house.