Aight, so I am 27 and I have a group of friends that I made in university, on discord on games (most of them know eachother before me). I know I am a hard to deal person and I am working currently with a professional to deal with it. We ve been quite toxic with others and between ourselves but in a kinda friendly way. 1 month ago one of them trash talked our gameplay for like a week. When time has come and he joined us I started to do the same to him and quite often. At some point he snapped at me with things like “I don’t want to play with this piece of shits, the worst existing” and some other shit that I cannot remember since my head was spinning of shame and emotions. Thing is he was really fucking serious and I was just asking him to chill but no, he continued few minutes and no one else said a thing until we just needed to continue the game (one said:”let’s just play”). Finished the game and just left the discord for like 2 weeks. Later, playing with one friend that was not present at that thing he told me that I’m acting childish if refuse to speak with them so I said that maybe was me that was in the wrong so I started to enter discord again with them. But few days ago a total stranger joined us in few games… After we finished few games he says that he will leave the squad because we are too toxic. After this I tried to discuss this and and result was: he is too weak. Thing is I really like them and how I fit in their group and with some of them exchanged really close talks about our lives, so really close friendships. Is it worth investing time and emotions in trying to change anything and keeping them as my friends?
Ps: I guess I just needed to tell my story to someone… Not much left close to me in this life so I’m gonna use the fact that I can be anonymous online(kinda)