Ok I wanna keep this as short and to the point as possible: Ive been dating this man online for a couple months now and everything is great but he has completely lied about aspects of his life related to “adulting”
Here are some examples:
\*\*\*He says he can cook, when i ask him what he makes he only mentions fried rice and when i ask for other examples or at least pictures of his dinners he changes the subject. I have celiacs disease so i \*have\* to know whats in my food, ive been cooking the majority of what i eat for several years because of my diagnosis so i know what cooking is.
\*\*\*He says he’s really knowledgeable on his finances and that hes read books about it. I ask him about these topics and i find that he has no idea how they work (like how a mortgage works, what an interest rate is, how to budget your income, how credit cards work)
\*\*\*He keeps telling me that he knows how my job works and i have to tell him that he does not know and explain to him why him making assumptions and comparing it to experiences hes had doing assignments in college is NOTHING like me doing the work that i do for my company. We are in similar fields but he has no corporate experience yet because he just graduated college.
\*\*\*He tells me that he knows how to fix the breaks on his car (and do all the work on his car in general because his dad taught him), next thing i know hes at the auto shop getting his breaks looked at and he doesnt have the ability to use his car to pick me up when i visit.
And lot of other things i could easily tell were little white lies
**So after I confronted him, I found out he has been intentionally lying to me about EVERYTHING.**
1. He doesnt know how to cook, he hasnt cooked ANYTHING since Thanksgiving of LAST YEAR. And what he made was like something small to help his mom out.
2. He lied about knowing anything about finances too (which is FINE because he just graduated college so understandably he hasnt had many opportunities to do that)
3. He pretty much exaggerated every “adulting” thing we would talk about because my exes were moochers who took advantage of me and he didnt want me to think he would be like them.
Not only that, but i found out that he has always felt really shitty about who he is and he told me “i really wanna be like you”. I grew up very quickly because as a child i needed to escape an abusive household. I own a house, and im working in my career job but i had to bust my ass to learn those things so i could \*survive\*. He cant take a gift from his parents without feeling spoiled, privileged, undeserving, and ashamed.
I \*completely\* forgave him for lying, HOWEVER, Im not gonna take this lightly. He decided to make a pact with me that from now on- no more dishonestly. He keeps saying stuff like “youre such an angel, i dont deserve you” and its honestly kinda weird…
everything between us is absolutely fantastic so far but this is a thing that is just throwing me for a loop and i dont know how to navigate it.
4 comments
And you’re surprised? You’re dating a guy younger than you…
Relationships that typically start off based on lies never work out in the long run.
You’ve taken the first step; told him no more lies, no more bravado to look ‘impressive’ (think Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much”), unless you like a blithering simp who swoons at the merest flutter of an eyelash, if it makes you feel awkward, tell him to lower the pedestal he places you on to worship at your feet.
Learn to cook something together; even if it turns out horrible, it’s all learning experience. Find something he’s genuinely good at, even if it goes over your head or near sends you to sleep, it might bolster his confidence a little that small gestures, not grandiose proclamations are enough.
Dealbreaker for me! Once they’re content with lying at the beginning, then they’ll continue to do it throughout the relationship.