Men who have been in couple’s therapy: what was your experience like?

12 comments

1. Uncomfortable, but beneficial. If the relationship is worth it to you that is

2. It wasn’t bad, and there were some useful ideas about how to express things to each other, but it didn’t really solve any core issues.

   It was basically $800 bucks to get a professional to confirm that we should split. Cool, but I was pretty sure that was how things were going.

   Reddit loves, like *LOVES* therapy, but it’s not a magical fix-everything panacea.

3. I feel everyoneeeee should have a therapist. You get a different perspective of how you’re living your life from someone that has no judgement or bias. I find it weird if you dontttt have a therapist

4. Not exactly couple therapy, I went to her therapist with her. Went very well and helped a lot. Keep in mind therapists offer guidance and a safe zone. If you have communication problems that interfer with talking openly about how you feel, then a therapist can’t help you much.

5. Men should have a therapist for themselves and couples should have a separate one. All are very helpful even if no issues are overly apparent.

6. It can be great. But it depends where you’re at.

   If you’re still in love, you like each other as people and you both want it to stay together, it’s possible to do some great work.

   But if you’re just doing it because your partner wants it or you just really don’t like each other any more, it’s not going to fix that.

7. 2 marriages, 2 stretches each.

   My takeaway is this- if BOTH sides go into it looking to find out what they themselves can do to improve things, it can work. If either or both expect the counselor to tell their spouse it’s all their fault, that they have to fix it by doing x,y,z; and won’t accept any responsibility of their own, it’s doomed.

8. I told the therapist (woman) that I was sick of my girlfriend picking fights with me, then pushing until I had a panic attack, then pushing further, essentially just assaulting me on a constant basis, and absolutely refusing to let me do things like walk away, eat, sleep, walk my dog or be alone when I get an attack. Let me put it this way: if I tried to block the door to the bedroom to take a moment to breathe and stop hyperventilating, she would push aside anything I placed and come back in. What I wanted was to be left alone when I had the panic attacks, I wanted to do my chores without being assaulted, I wanted to go a week without being gaslit, trapped in a closet and starved. She was told that this girl was not allowing me my meditation time, was literally shaking me to keep me awake when I was trying to sleep for work (I worked 12s driving an 80 ton haul truck underground… can’t do that sleepy or you’ll crash and burn).

   She told me to manage my illness better. Fucking bitch.

   PS… I know have good therapists , who teach me about boundaries… because one of the things that I missed out on in my childhood education, was that your loved ones should not be in your face picking unstoppable fights for 40+ hours a week. Turns out that’s not normal. And guys out there: Remember Johnny Depp. Record that shit if you’re being abused. The courts and the cops don’t give a metric fuck unless you have proof.

9. Very good. My partner stopped trying to win every argument and started trying to actually find solutions to our problems.

10. It’s usually this…

    – Woman thinks it will be helpful and in her mind it’s the last ditch effort to save the relationship

    – Men thinks it’s dumb, but agree to it because they know it’s the last ditch effort to save the relationship

    It basically just buys the guy more time before a relationship will ultimately end.

11. It’s pretty cool when the therapist takes you aside afterwards and is all like, “What the fuck? You must be an absolute saint!”

12. Wife had a therapist who also did couples counseling, so I went for two sessions. This was her therapist for about a decade, and I walked into what felt like a trap. Looking back, we would have been better served with a different therapist who didn’t already have a skewed image of who I was, but it worked out ok in that I was able to show I’m not the cold monster that was portrayed and that most of the work to accomplish was for my wife to communicate better. This was nearly 15 years ago and we are in a much better place in our relationship. Generally, couples need to talk about the shitty stuff before it becomes resentment. If you let it fester inside, you’re doing yourself and your relationship a serious disservice.