if you had to read a eulogy at your own funeral what would you say about yourself?

8 comments

1. Why the fuck did you waste money on a funeral? I made it very clear to just bury me in the backyard or burn me up and throw my ashes wherever you want. Funerals are a fucking waste of money and land…wait how am I here right now…the afterlife exists…peace I’m gonna go hang with Satan.

2. Well first of all we all know why we’re here this idiot went and done something stupid again. Im not going to pretend like i was perfect you all know i wasn’t. You shouldnt feel sad that my time is over you should be happy for the time we spent together. As my final gift to all of you I would like to say im at peace and had a good life thanks to all of you. Its time for me to rest ill see you all in the next life.

   This is roughly what i would say if i decided to do this it would be more refined but thats the basic principle

3. “Why didn’t you put me in a cardboard box and throw me in the woods like I asked?”

   I have never wanted a funeral and have made it clear to everyone around me. Don’t spend money on me or I will haunt you from beyond the grave.

4. Thank you for coming. I have only one rule at this funeral: no crying. I don’t want anyone to cry and be sad that I’m not around anymore. I want people to smile and remember all the good times that we had together.

5. “How am I reading this I am dead”

6. Fuck all y’all and y’all mf momma bitch Im on.

7. “Life’s a bitch and then he died”

8. we the degenerates and scoundrel’s are gathered here today to say goodbye to the most sarcastic fuckup that had that the misfortune of knowing us. Johnnystorm wouldn’t want us to be sad, he’d want us to get rip roaring drunk and tell stories of his absolute stupidity. so dry your eyes, and meet me at the strip club for beers, stripers and good times.