Hey!
I was wondering if anyone has the same issue. My bf and I met almost two years ago (long distance), before he moved in with me last August. In the beginning, we had a bunch of sex, sometimes multiple times a day. Since this is not sustainable, it naturally became less and less. Now, I have a high sex drive and my bf’s is much lower, and we have sex 1-2 a week, which is just not enough for me… I love him to death, I would never leave him for this, but I am almost desperate at this point. I’m desperate for his sexual attention, and I don’t know how to handle being rejected all the time. It hurts, and he knows, we talked about this issue on multiple occasions. He says he’s just not in the mood. I would never turn him down, when he wants me to go down on him, I do that. Pretty much every single day, I make him cum. I really crave it, and he knows, but he still keeps turning me down, and it makes me sad, because I feel like it’s a chore for him… and when we do have sex, he rarely tries to make me cum, he just sticks it in. Does anyone of you have the same issue where you feel like you put in a lot more effort than your partner and you’re willing to do anything for them but they just wouldn’t do the same?
If yes, how do you deal with it?
Thank you
4 comments
My wife and I have a similar issue but I am the one with the higher sex drive in the relationship. What really changed this for us was when I stopped begging her for sex because I wanted an orgasm and started wanting sex because I craved being intimate with her specifically. It’s a suble thing so let me try to explain.
When we were younger, I was like a lot of young men. Always horny and wanting her to get me off. When framed that way, it was easy for it to seem like a chore for her because it was all about me, my needs, and how she’s not satisfying them, which made her even less interested in sex. Even though I did all sorts of things to try to make her enjoy sex with me, it was still selfishly motivated and highlighted her inadequacy. She felt like she wasn’t good enough and had to try to be better.
Recently, I have changed my approach and our sex life is *so* much better. What changed is that I stopped focusing on how to arouse her and started focusing on how to make her feel sexy. I compliment her more. I tell her how beautiful she is. We cuddle and make out sometimes and I don’t expect sex. She knows I will take care of myself if I need to and I’m OK with that. I enjoy just spending time with her. I let her know how happy she makes me. With the pressure taken away, she started being open to sex a little more often, and when we have sex, I’m more expressive about how much I enjoy sex with her. I tell her how hot and sexy she is. I moan more while we do it. I explicitly tell her when we do something I really like. I started buying her lingerie and she loves my reaction when she wears it. This has made her so much more confident in the bedroom and eager to please me because she likes all of the attention and positive feedback she gets and feels more sexually capable. She’s becoming a sexual goddess and I love it!
Maybe a similar thing will work with your guy. Don’t worry so much about try to arouse him and instead try to make him feel like a stud. When you have sex, make sure he knows all the things he does that turn you on and make you cum. Build up his sexual confidence. Let him know that you crave him specifically, not just that you want to get off and he just happens to be around. (I’m not saying this is how you think but that might be what he thinks you think.)
This is the issue I face constantly. I am hypersexual and as a result no partner can keep up or cope with my needs and sex drive. I become a problem to them. I masturbate myself senseless to try take the edge off but I’ve never found a good solution I am afraid.
So your giving blowjobs daily? Honestly I would quit that.
I’m like you, I want sex all the time. I love it. I love giving bj’s too. But if he’s getting effort free orgasms everyday, of course he’s not gonna be too into sex. It’s a lot more work. Maybe cut down on that and see what happens.
So you’re sucking him off and not getting reciprocated? Hell no! Put your needs first.