I posted this in another relationship thread as I’m not sure which one is most active.
Hey y’all, please bare with me as I’m posting on mobile & this is my first Reddit post in general even though this account is a throwaway. I apologize for the length, honestly I’m just confused with these emotions. I am F,23 and he is M,23.
Background info: this is my ex. We had a friendship which turned into a relationship in my senior year of high school which was only a few months. Those months were surrounded by very strong feelings and chemistry that I’ve yet been able to feel with anyone else. Our breakup was dramatic and both of us were crying. I was leaving for college, and we both had trust issues so long distance was out the equation. He told me he never wanted to loose me ever, he admitted he loved me, and that in the future maybe we could try again if the time was right. And ofc… I held onto that memory.
We stayed friends and talked throughout our college years on and off-never seeing each other in person again until this year. My feelings never changed but I knew I needed to move on which I did.
I’ve been out of a 2 year relationship for less than a year…he recently got out of one as well. Still live in different states btw. I communicated my feelings for him, but I expressed I wasn’t looking for anything since I personally felt like I had a lot to work on mentally. He said he still cares a lot about me, but with his recent breakup and him focusing on school he’s not ready but he told me there’s still a chance.
After this we actually managed to meet in person, our chemistry was just like how it used to be & I felt like it was reciprocated back. He even mentioned it felt like we were kids again. I expressed my feelings and fears to him and he said “ do you really think I’ve been friends with you for 6 years just to hurt you or use you?” and basically said time will tell to prove his intentions.
He left & a few months later came back for the weekend. Got a hotel and everything. He was a gentleman. Opened doors, helped me whenever I had a problem, flirted with me constantly, shared his food with me etc. we had sex & he kissed my forehead. I could tell he was nervous when it came to touching me, like he wanted to do more but not too much as I was the same.
I talked about my past relationship and how confusing love is for me and he said “deep down I think you know what you want” He also mentioned he has no feelings for his ex or anyone honestly and kept expressing that which idk if that’s a shot at me or not. Ever since that weekend we’ve been talking on the phone everyday or every other day for hours. Sometimes falling asleep together which I haven’t done in a long time.
My feelings are so strong for this man and at this point I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I love him honestly. After dating other men and even being in a committed relationship , no guy has made me feel like he does. Idk where to go from here and I feel like bringing up it might not help. He has plans for his future & is very ambitious (which I love) but idk if I’m apart of them nor do I wanna ruin them. Honestly idk if he’s around because I’m just openly available for him or if he feels the same way I do.. not sure where to go from here.
He’s never given me reasons to not trust his word, but I know men can be sneaky. Also just because he’s a good guy doesn’t mean I should wait for him…right?
TDLR; first love is still my best friend/very active in my life. Idk if I should just wait for him or if he’s honestly just using me because I’m available.