My husband (29M) and I (27F) are finding it hard to make time for sex in the midst of our busy lives. During the week we both work relatively normal hours but by the time we make dinner, watch TV, clean up, talk and catch up with each other and get into bed it’s so late that I’m too tired and stressed about sleep/the next day for sex. We both have stressful jobs so we end up needing a couple hours to wind down before we can talk and get comfortable to get in the mood but that’s always too late at night. In the weekend we find time on date night but thats only one night a week and the rest of the weekend gets sucked up by time spent with friends and chores. I cant imagine what this would be like once we have kids. Question to other couples – when do you find time for sex and how often do you have it a week?
4 comments
Best time is right before you go to bed. I find I have the best sleep after, and its nice to have naked snuggles during the night too
Schedule more sex together. We have thursday night dates, which is technically just us having dinner dressed up, deciding what kind of sex we feel like having, afterwards she puts on lingerie and makeup while I set the whole bedroom according to what we wanted. We’re often not going out, just making the whole evening about sex
Try not to turn on the tv a few evenings per week. We have one screen free day per week. If you leave stuff that isn’t necessary aside, you’ll tend to do it more. We do it multiple time a week, but we decided to set some rules like this to make sure to stay active.
We often go for a quickie when we wake up in the middle of the night. Sexting throughout the day, just a few dirty messages during break time, can help build up the desire and anticipation for both, and make it happen more often.
Tv, talk, and catch up are things that can be skipped some evenings when you live together
Dinner, dishes and sex are easy to take time for during an evening
My wife and I were going through this recently. We just opened up to each other about wanting more and figured it out. Some nights we lay in bed together and masturbate, sometimes we’ll sneak a quicky in while the kids are playing in their room, sometimes it’s a text before bed time like I’m horny wanna have sex? Just communicate and you can work it out.
It doesn’t have to be a big production. Make it spontaneous. Grab his ass while you two are cooking dinner and say something naughty in his ear. Make an effort, even if you don’t feel like it, you have to still make that effort. It doesn’t have to be grandiose, but sometimes just getting out of the drudge will then perpetuate less drudge down the line. We have one kid and we are 1 to 2 times a week kind of people. Sometimes life gets in a the way, and certainly working with a child is tough at times (school,homework, afterschool activities, etc.), but we try to keep it spicy. For example I am taking my wife to Chicago for her birthday (sans child) via train and it will be a sex fest for sure. But we put that effort in. New toys are here, new lube, a dedicated sleeper room on the train, a nice hotel. Expensive, but worth it for the relationship. She took me to an AirBnB for valentines day, I got sick and she just took care of me. Asides from puking my guts out, I actually really enjoyed it. It sounds silly, but it works. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate though, it has to be sincere, and when you reach out like that all of a sudden the spark comes back.