So I’m(30f) not technically this guys(31m) girlfriend, we’ve just been dating but we’ve both expressed that we aren’t interested in exploring other options atm. He’s very different from other men I’ve dated. He isn’t a big texter and seems to really appreciate space and independence. I’m a fairly anxious person but have been working on myself while single the past 2 years and really love his personality and general attitude. Anyways, I want to learn how to best respect and value his space and independence. So what have been your favorite ways someone has done just that?
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Bring in my favourite drink/food while I was gaming, and didn’t say a word about it. Just gave, and continued her day, and didn’t mentioned it after to get feel good points
I’m fine only seeing a partner Friday afternoon through Saturday night, maybe one day during the week, and being alone otherwise. My first girlfriend asked me to text her at least “good morning” every day, and that wasn’t burdensome even though I still think it’s kinda pointless. But that’s all she asked, and that was plenty of space for me.
Lol, we each have our own room.
I am that kind of guy, so here are some things:
1. When texting, accept that he will not necessarily respond quickly and that texting shouldn’t be a replacement for a conversation (like he might use it to plan seeing you but he would rather chat in person, because it’s higher quality interaction). Also men like this tend to think of a phone call or text as a request, not a demand of his time – it’s not personal, just different way of thinking.
2. Assume as a baseline that if you have a date Friday night and stay over, that you aren’t hanging out Saturday in the afternoon. Specifically, make plans with that assumption and communicate what your plans are to him. If you want to do something that Saturday afternoon as well, plan it out ahead of time, and present it as an option.
3. Limit the number of days you see him to 2 days a week sort of thing (3 at the very top end, even if you really feel like you want to see him more). Have things going on for yourself, so that you and he need to plan around both your schedules. Some weeks maybe you see each other only once and that’s okay, it gives him the space he needs and the time to miss having you around.
4. Let him initiate plans with you half the time, this will give you a sense of how often he wants to hang out.
I enjoy just being in the same place with my gf but not having any conversations or activities. I like that sometimes but other times I just want to be around her without having to interact
Just try to see each other once a week and be OK going a couple days without texting at all. If you show him that you are totally cool with that setup and never make a big deal about it or question it at all, eventually HE may feel like he wants to have more contact or hangout more. But let him drive that.
The worst thing you can do is constantly be asking “how come you’re not wanting to see me or talk to me more?!?!”. That will just drive him away. Showing him you’re cool and understanding of his space will allow him to possibly open up to wanting to talk and see you more.
I wouldn’t say i need a load of space but i do need some space to do my own thing on occasion.
My GF insists that i take what time i need.. And she uses that time to do her own thing. I just say i need an hour or two to myself and she lets me do that. The same applies obviously.
It’s that acknowledgment of that need for space and giving you that time to have it that’s important.
My first advice would be to be sure you’re fine with him wanting his space and time. Are you sure in the future you won’t want him to spend more and more time with you?
The second one would be to communicate.
IME, as someone who is like your soon to be SO, there are small that im willing to do for the relationship which I may not fully enjoy.
For example, my previous SO liked us to say good morning/ good night. I dont consider it essential, but it made her happy and it was something I was willing to do.
What are you negotiables? What are your non negotiables? And what are his?
Talk to him and youll see if youre compatible
Nothing. It always turned into a fight.
I’m am that guy who needs space.
My wife knows this. She gives me space when I’m out of the house. We don’t text unless it’s important, when I’m out hiking. I get warn down after being around people for too long. Of course if we’re close I can be around you longer but eventually I need to get out away. So my wife knows when I say, that I’m going out, there’s sort of an unspoken understanding that I’m all peopled out for a while and I’d rather not be bothered. I’m also not a huge cuddler, I love intimate hugs and holds with my wife, but not for long periods of time. To be honest I think that in particular was hard for her at first because she’s very hands on, but I noticed that and tried to give hugs, kisses, cuddles, etc often since I don’t like them for extended periods of time. It was something I had to adapt to, like she had to adapt to not being able to just snuggle for hours on end.
It’s a two way street. We have two different love languages She likes physical contact and talking more than I do, so when I get home and spend time with my wife, I’m happy to give her all the attention she wants because I just went out to rejuvenate. She wouldn’t be happy if I just was silent all the time and didn’t talk. For me personally, just sitting in silence next to her is nice, I love just being near her. But she needs a little more engagement than that, I have to be wary of her needs just as she is mine. And it’s not like it’s a burden being affectionate, I do love it as well, it’s just that it’s not something I’ll do by default.
Wow this comment section is extremely educational for me