Now first off I know there is a big age gap, but I was very shy when I was younger and therefore despite the age difference we have had similar amounts of dating e, experience so I’m asking people to please look past this issue.
My gf and I have been together 6 months and have been long distance for the last 6 weeks(and it will be this way for at least 6 months). We always had a slight problem with how much attention we both needed. I am a big introvert whilst she isn’t. This wasn’t a huge issue when we were together, we had the odd little argument but that was easily fixed by spending some time together. However now we are long distance the same little arguments seem a bit more real.
She wants almost constant communication and unless I’m physically incapable of calling or texting her she thinks I don’t want to speak to her and gets upset. After I’ve been at work all day, I don’t always want to call. I make an effort and started calling more, because she’s worth it, but often neither of us really have anything to say so I’ll say goodbye and go and make dinner, but she is never satisfied with this. She wants me to stay on the phone when we’re not even speaking.
I tried speaking to her about this and I thought we understood each other. I started making more effort to call and she accepted that I had a life outside of her and we had to work around that. It was fine for a couple of weeks but I realised I was really upsetting her. I love her so much but I feel like she loves me far more. She says she feels stupid but she loves me more than herself. She does everything for me. I told her if I wasn’t making her happy she should find someone better but she immediately panicked and said I was her happiness and just having me was enough.
So things were okay again but this same thing is still going on in the background. I know she’s not happy and I know she gets upset and she tells me sometimes I make her feel worthless. Despite this she will not break up with me, she wants to keep going.
For me though I just can’t bare to see her like this, i feel like I’m putting in a reasonable amount of effort given the circumstances but it’s just not enough. I love her terribly but I’m hurting her and I hate it. Should I break up with her so she can move on and find someone better or should I keep trying to make it work and hope we make it through our time apart? I really don’t want to break up with her, she loves me so much and I think she’s has everything anyone could possibly want from a partner and more. I love her more than anyone ever. But there is a growing part of me that thinks I just can’t give her what she needs and if I love her I should let her go.
TL;Dr my girlfriend needs far more attention than me to be happy. We love each other dearly and she will not break up with me despite me making her sad sometimes. Would it be kindest to let her go?
2 comments
I think she has very unreasonable expectations and should look into codependency. There is no universe in which it is fair to expect to absorb every moment of your time. You’re not hurting her, she’s hurting herself. I would definitely either breakup or lay some very real boundaries that, if crossed, you will end the relationship over.
I have been in a similar ldr situation and I have been in your girlfriend’s shoes to some extent. I think under nornal circumstances your relationship could work, but ldr makes clinginess like that very difficult.
You are not in the wrong in this situation, but if you want to make things work, maybe talk to her and figure out a way she can feel loved other than constant interaction.
Maybe gifts, maybe special time you can select maybe something else. She has to realise what she wants is not feasible and find some other way to feel reassured of your love.