I am 16F. This goes past being an insecurity, it’s turned into a fear of anyone hearing me. People used to pick on me for it, and now I’ve had time to ruminate on it over the last 2 years (with covid and everything) and its getting out of hand. Some days I don’t want to speak to anyone – even my family and best friend. I have a phobia of being recorded speaking on video. I am scared of speaking to strangers. Im scared of talking too loudly in public just jn case anyone overhears. If I had one wish it’d be to change my voice or feel differently about it.
The issue is that I’m starting a sixth form college in less than a month and I have been working on things in therapy but it feels like I’m getting more and more socially anxious and it feels like I’m making backwards steps in my progress there. I’m so worried I won’t be able to speak when I go to college and end up feeling lonelier than before. I hate how I feel. Please can I have some advice??!?!?!
19 comments
What’s wrong with your voice? Is it just your bone conduction tone difference or something else?
I got a haircut, now everyone fucking calls me bald
I hate my classmates
whats bad for one is good for others, your perception of yourself is making you dislike it. There are hundreds of thousands of others who will like it anyway
Do you have a [speech therapist](https://www.asha.org/students/speech-language-pathologists/)?
Beyond that, it sounds like you should treat this as a problem with anxiety. That means therapy (of the psychological kind) and/or medication.
Bear in mind that kids will bully people over the most trivial things, your voice has probably changed since you were younger, and it will likely change a bit more as you become an adult. Don’t treat what a few 14yr olds said about your voice like it’s a professional assessment.
Also, read this:
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/jul/12/the-real-reason-the-sound-of-your-own-voice-makes-you-cringe
Take your phone out and record videos of you speaking. Do it over and over and over and rewatch these until you get used to your voice and it doesn’t bother you any more.
Thankfully your capacity to make friends doesn’t hinge at all on how you feel about your own voice. Working on accepting your own voice is something you’ll have to continue working on, of course, but try not to let it hold you back from making friends.
Something that not a lot of people know until they run across it is that most of us hate hearing our own voices at first, especially when recorded and played back. It sounds so weird and unnatural compared to how we hear ourselves in our head! You think you know how you sound until you hear a recording and… it’s just not the same, like at all lol. You get used to it over time but depending on your interests and whatnot that might take a while. For example, people who make youtube videos or similar get used to it sooner because they hear recordings of themselves all the time while editing. Other folks not so much, maybe.
One other comment, just extrapolating from your listed age… if you’re 16 now and have been ruminating on your voice for two years then that means that you were either 14 or younger when people were picking on you about your voice? Kids are assholes, please pay them no mind lol. You’ll find that as you get older, more and more people care less and less about that kind of thing. Some people are still insecure and will try and pick away at others to try and feel better themselves, even as adults. But most people legit don’t care. You’ll come to learn this in time 🙂
You’re anonymous here, you could probably share a recording while hidden behind a reddit username, doubt anyone here would be negative about it. I myself find it hard to believe it could warrant that much self-conciousness and am very interested in hearing it, especially if it’s actually unusual
Record yourself and share it in the thread . I guarantee you you have nothing to be insecure about
1. What do you think is wrong with it
2. Would you be a dick if you met a person with such a problem
3. Talk to a counselor or your parents about how your worries are preventing you from living your life
I have the same issue.
I am 19M and have a very low and kind of a girly voice(as per classmates). Nobody could hear what i say and have to repeat everything or else i have to like shout which makes them think im rude. I used to be insecure but now i just talk loudly with confidence and don’t care what they think and hey it kind of worked. Try a few times and you’ll get the confidence trust me.
Doing it often is the only way you can gain confidence- no other shortcuts.
Also all voices are sweet and cute and people who think otherwise are morons
In my humble opinion, if this is coming out of your insecurities, you must find solution to handle that problem. If there is some real issue with your physiology, you might want to find possible solutions/treatments. If there is no solution to your physical problem, try to accept yourself as you are.
I believe everyone is beautiful in its own way.
If you seeking some ideas to tackle this issue, here are some:
1.Talk less… listen more
2.Use humor to present yourself in a creative way
3.You can also try chatting more and talking less
4.Try working on your pronunciation, if that bothers you.
And, please remember real freinds accept people the way they are and don’t judge them.
Sometimes, when you get around the wrong people, they’ll make you feel a certain way about your voice. People always say to “find your people”, and it’s possible, but besides that, id definitely recommend watching some YouTube videos regarding you feeling the way you do. I’m sure you’ll find some amazing advice on this topic. Hope this helps.
Plan A: It may seem silly, but you could try speaking to yourself, finding the parts of your speech that are unfavorable, and trying ways to change them. With enough practice, it may become habit and fix the issue you’re having, but the only way you can get better at something is by doing it. It’s alright to leave your comfort zone every now and again, and if some people don’t like it, those probably aren’t the ones you’d want to be friends with.
Plan B: Learn sign language
Just speak to communicate your thoughts you don’t need to like your voice or anyone else. Just like how some people might eat their veggies even though they hate it but the want a healthy diet.
You will have more opportunities in life if you can use your voice and communicate effectively.
If you are in school eventually people will find making fun of your voice boring and a lame joke, the more you speak.
But if you are talking about real life random settings such as talking to a cashier or something, literally no one gives a fk about your voice.
Please don’t hinder your self just because you hate ur voice.
Same problem. My voice cracks like there is no tomorrow and completely random. Sometimes it’s friends sometimes it’s teachers. Usually friends but I still fear someday my voice cracks when meeting strangers
In fact there is a party coming right up and I will go, my social skill are absolutely crap because of this. Not to mention people just can’t hear me most of the time and I have to repeat again.
And I have minor problem hearing things.
You don’t want to be alone cause you’re human who wants relationships in their life. Fair.
And those relationships will come, long as you’re living alongside others in your classes and jobs and such, but the more you hide yourself away, you give others a false perception of yourself – and the quality of these relationships will never be right for you, especially if you need to fake or omit parts of yourself.
Obviously everyone’s on a different mode when they’re with other people, but something as significant as the way you **sound** is just not something you should hide.
You’re still very young so you’re only starting that process of becoming comfortable with all the parts of yourself.
Your voice is the perfect start, say your thoughts aloud when you’re by yourself, get used to hearing how you sound, hum along to your favourite music,
don’t judge it, just observe it.
Don’t let other judge what your voice means, let yourself decide that, cause it’s yours
Record yourself. Listen to the recordings multiple times. Watch yourself speak. You can find small things to adjust, one at a time, to help you feel more confident but mostly, have your voice feel normal and ok to you. The real ones care about what you have to say, not how you say it.
I have a friend whose voice sounds like some cartoon character speaking, high pitch, she also mentioned she doesn’t like her voice. But it’s also because of her distinctive voice, people could recognise it’s her by hearing her voice. Once, someone teased her about her voice, but she responded back in a fun way, not at all offended, I guess she has accepted the fact that her own voice is like that and doesn’t let it affect her. Aside the voice thing, she is a very confident person and good around people and has very good leadership skills. Everyone likes her and she is very, very confident. And someone told me that he thinks her voice sounds very nice. When people see her, they see her good qualities and personality, her voice is doesn’t really matter.
I was told the same thing. Until I turned 21 and was told by the sexiest most beautiful woman ive met to date, that i have a really hot voice. Turns out it wasn’t how I sounded even tho i cringe everytime i hear my recorded voice, its more, way more about confidence and the way you speak. Don’t worry about kids and their opinions in highschool. One of the more popular kids in my school was a blatant racist, called bigger girls fat and fat shamed 24/7, and was rude to nice teachers and destroyed school property. Got away with it too, his family makes donations yearly. Chances are your okay, it just takes time to find yourself, and the more you obsess over it, the worse it will get. I never went to therapy, altho several times in my life I should have been going. Purely off personal experience? It takes a few times getting kicked down to find yourself. You never improve if you take to heart everything everyone says, and if you obsess over it.