Sorry in advance this is gonna be long 🤪
I [29f] haven’t been in many loving relationships. My early 20s was hook up after hook up. Even lost my virginity as a one night stand. So I never really knew what good sex was for years even though I thought I did simply because I was having it regularly lol. A lot of my male partners were selfish and solely focused on their nut, so I grew accustomed to not finishing during sex but still enjoyed being used and using these men in return. I’m bisexual so I’d also hook up with women, and those experiences were typically more enjoyable, although I still never really got comfortable enough with someone or even saw them again to form a connection to be able to cum. Throughout all this, I had a handful of FWB and would cum with 1 or 2 of them.
When I turned 23, I entered my first serious long-term relationship. We dated for 5 years. I still didn’t cum regularly because it took me so long to get off with someone, depression killed my sex drive for years, and my ex wasn’t the most giving, but I was orgasming with a partner more than I ever had before so I thought it was great. Well we broke up, and then last year I met a man [42m] who is the most giving lover I’ve EVER had. He basically gets off on pleasing, endless foreplay, giving me oral, and watching me cum. I feel fucking blessed lol. Plus we have great sexual chemistry. We’re both kinky, love anal, and love giving each other pleasure. However we’ve been together almost a year so now I’m starting to be more bothered by some things I’ve already brought up here and there. But I also feel guilty for even being upset at all.
Here’s my main issues:
1) Not enough talking
His domming style in our BDSM relationship is primal meaning he loves to devour me like I’m prey and be animalistic and make noises. At first, I didn’t understand, but did more research and I enjoy feeling like a hunt. The one thing bugging me is that he isn’t more vocal. I’ve brought it up numerous times because I really need him to be vocal with me since I get off on verbal praise but also degradation. How do I get more out of him? How do I egg him on? It’s not like the sex is awkward and silent. He makes hot grunts and moans and will throw phrases out here and there and say “good girl,” but I need more. At times, I want it to feel like erotica is being read to me lol. Is that asking too much?
2) Losing hardness
He’s older so it’s harder (hah) for him to stay hard. He’s smaller but I don’t have a problem with his size at all! He pleases me like crazy even with a smaller cock. I just don’t like the comments he’s made about it. I think he is insecure about his size. He’s said “oh I know it’s so average” and things like that that turn me off. I mostly blame society and porn for this one for shaming men for not having 10” dicks. How do I help him feel confident in his cock? I think it’s sexy as fuck and I love it and if he had more confidence and less performance anxiety, he could stay harder longer. He loses erections a lot over the course of our foreplay. And I’ll do everything I can to get him hard again. Handjobs, sloppy blowjobs, worshipping. Sometimes he even gets soft in me. I suggested talking to a doctor about medication that could help.
I know this all requires communication with him, which I’ve had many talks with him. But I’d also LOVEEEE some outsider input and suggestions since I can’t afford a sex therapist right now 😅
TLDR: Love my partner and he’s the best sex I’ve ever had, but how do I get him to be more vocal? And how do I help him stay hard?
3 comments
Despite age issue, most of HARD issues are mentally, so more comms may help you both
1. Best you can do is talk to him about it – be sure to frame it as “I like it but I’d love more” as opposed to “this isn’t working for me”. Praise what he is doing and then say you’d love him to go EVEN further.
2. This one is clearly in his mind – unless your comment of “he’s smaller but…” is something you have actually said to him, in which case this will be more difficult as he has then literally heard the words out of your mouth. If, however, you have not told him this, then next time he makes a comment like this, you can take it one of two ways. The first way is to ask him what he is hoping to hear in response to that? Is he wanting you to agree with him, or is he wanting you to argue back to prove him wrong? If you show him that he is putting you in an awkward position in which to answer and in which all of his emotional self-esteem is based on you, it might help him at least check how often he verbalises these views. Alternatively, you can come at it more “aggressively” and say you don’t appreciate him speaking so disparagingly about someone so special to you and you want him to stop as it hurts to hear someone you like/love (depending on where you are at the moment) be insulted like that and that you are more satisfied now than you have ever been in a relationship – actually spell out that he is so giving that you are more sexually fulfilled than ever.
Well definitely say any variation of “small” when talking about his average non pornstar cock. Just reassure him that he’s perfect and gets you off