Maybe it’s because I’ve been away from home for a while, and it has been hard to reconnect with other people at a different phase than me, but I honestly had the worst year ever. I got into two vehicle accidents and my dad just recently got into an accident. My family caught covid. my boyfriend isn’t as loving as he was at the beginning of the relationship, and I often feel inadequate. My best friend replaced me with another friend and she hasn’t been there for me. I feel underappreciated. The other day my aunt and uncle were jealous that I got a car and my parents are helping me pay for insurance until I graduate from university, and they were saying that I’m spoiled. I already feel inadequate compared to other people my age (23F), so I kind of made it seem like I’m already paying for everything on my own while doing nursing school and working at the same time. Then, they said you’re an adult. you should pay for yourself. All of the stuff that’s been happening to me has been building up and making me sour.
TLDR: what to do if you’re feeling left out? I’m so behind on life and everyone’s just moving on without me 🙁 Most of my friends aren’t including me either.
1 comment
Aunts and uncles are frequently the most mean and critical relatives, in my experience. They’re close enough relations to feel like they have a ‘right’ to talk harshly about you, but also distant enough not to really know you or what you’re going through. And then there’s the element of competition. Like you said, they’re jealous that you got a car (and possibly jealous of our parents, that they are in a position to help you get one.) Do your aunt and uncle have kids themselves? Is there a chance that they feel a sense of competition between you and their own kids, and like to tear you down because you’re different from their kids? Either way, this is not really about you. This is about your aunt and uncle’s petty competitive feelings, and their need to tear other people down.
It doesn’t sound to me like you’re “inadequate compared to other people your age”. For one thing, your worth as a human being isn’t actually determined by how much money you’re making, or what milestones you’ve achieved by a certain age. But if even if we *are* measuring by milestones, the fact that you’re studying nursing is really impressive!
And ugh, I hate that “you’re an adult” thing. What does that even mean?? Obviously for legal reasons we need to have a cutoff age when people are officially adults, but realistically everyone’s circumstances and skillsets are different. If you’re at university, it doesn’t matter that you’re technically “an adult”: your circumstances make it difficult to support yourself independently! You’re currently making the sacrifice of living the (less independent, less wealthy) life of a student, and once you’re qualified, you’ll reap the benefits. Maybe your aunt and uncle are mentally stuck in the past, where young people could get a good job easily without qualifications? Either way, there is no logic in believing that you should automatically be able to afford a car, just because you’re over 20. That’s simply not how things work, especially in this tough economy.
Sorry I’ve ranted a bit. I’ve had experiences with aunts and uncles that remind me of what you said here, so it got to me. I wish you all the best with your studies, your friendships, and everything.