While I do have people to hang out with, I wish i had friends who were more aligned with my interests. Most of the friends I’ve made, pretty much just sit at bars and whatever and it’s becoming boring. I try to suggest other things, but it never works.
I tried everything to make new friends , even using an app called Bumble BFF to make friends based on interests. People just don’t put the energy or the effort to make plans or talk.
I make a plan with someone, see them once, and then they never hit me up at all or just talk about how “busy” they are and never respond. This is after what I thought was a good encounter. It’s like why are you even on this app to make friends if you aren’t putting the work in to make them?
I don’t mind hanging with my current “friends” people now, but I really wish I had someone with similar interests. Tried kickboxing classes and the like to find people who share similar interests with me, but I feel like people just have the mentality of “ I have friends and don’t need more”. I’ve actually heard others, like my bf, who have said this.
I have two college friends that live in a city 1 hour away and a lifelong friend in another state. I know people, but I’m starved for a real, deep connection with someone. A best friend. Something.
Any tips? How have you made friends as an adult?
24 comments
Take a class. Use other online resources not just bumble. Social media is a big one or join sites for certain hobbies your interested in. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Join a gym , club or sport. Try to make friends at work. You can have good and deep connections as an adult only issue a lot of people also have spouse’s or kids which often take priority. Also don’t try so hard let it happen naturally. Just say hi how’s it going and go from here.
Could there be something about your personality that is off putting? My sister, for example, is a classic bully and hard to be around.
These apps are trash, maybe I’m just ugly but I barely get a match and even when I do people don’t hold a conversation.
I think making friends well in your 20s is extremely hard. I’d say making IRL friends is much easier, through work or something else.
My friends became acquaintances when I sobered up… I have like 0 friends now. So what’s like your ideal things to do on a Friday night or weekend?
I relate to this deeply. I’ve tried all the same things.
I gave up on bumble bff because it’s a lot of effort that almost never pays off. Plus I’m not interested in drinking: most peoples’ go-to activity. Also many people do one hangout and then drop off (for various reasons), so I wouldn’t take that personally.
I wish I had better advice for you, but I actually just gave up on trying ha. Now that I’ve accepted having a small social life, I feel a lot happier.
idk, wanna be my online friend? PM me. Maybe we will luck out and we live near each other.
Embrace the friends the friends you still love and foster those relationships. It only gets harder from here
I think you’re perfect
Same boat, in a new city, WFH job. It helps to make plans alone and ask people to tag along. If they don’t come, try to do it solo and meet people there. Connections take time to start, but grow exponentially.
Made very few friends, most came from work or playing disc golf. Granted I’m lucky to live in a college town, so either the town or campus has something going on most of the year. So even if I don’t become friends them I’ve met some of their friends. Trying to make friends is annoying but you gotta put yourself out there.
I feel you, I guess it’s s a game of luck to find people who are compatible with you, the only thing you can do is increasing the possibility of finding one as much as possible and pray.
But some interest are more common than others and will make it easier for you to find like minded people, what are you interests?
I made friends through hobbies and work. I do recreation/beer league sports and opt to be on random teams, ive been doing brazilian jiu jitsu for over a decade. I met my current BFF at a podcast recording for women with ADHD.
Do weird niche things that align with your interests and you’ll eventually make friends. I’m in my 30’s and still new to the city I live in and I’ve found that making friends is easy if you step up to he the outgoing one and make all the plans fora while.
It doesn’t matter if you’re sober or not. Making friends getting older becomes harder. I have a big list of interests/hobbies and I’ve yet to find a person(s) to rely on to do something (similar interests)
Usually it’s much easier for women to make friends
It’s so wild but the reason most people become friends isn’t due to common interests. It’s due to time spent together. That’s why co-workers bond. It’s so easy to make friends in school. Army buddies become bonded for life because they spend so much time together during traumatic events like boot camp and tours.
It’s about just being together, maybe suffering together. Common interests only speed up connection a bit and are a basis for activities so you can meet people. But you need to spend time interacting with people over a long period of time if you want to make friends.
Keep going to those kickboxing classes and weasling your way into social groups within the class. Join intramural sports and grab a drink (doesn’t have to be alcoholic even if they choose to) afterwards. If you’re willing and have the time, long session things like D&D or camping trips are good bonding events too.
Also people aren’t willing to invest time into making friends because as we get older, most peoples social batteries deplete quicker and they aren’t willing to spend that much time with someone new because what if it’s a waste? Which is why you need to insert yourself as much as you can. Unfortunately this is tricky because there’s a fine line between joining a group and bothering people so hopefully you’re good with social cues.
Last tip is a saying that goes “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”. Don’t extend yourself too much to make friends if it means disregarding your own physical, mental or financial health just for a potential friend or a “friend” who doesn’t give anything noteworthy back just because you want a friend.
Also props for trying to better yourself. Staying sober is a tough journey but it is a journey and as long as you keep trying, you will make it.
Meet people at your interests! Be you’re own best friend! aren’t you supposed to get that with your BF?
Ya. I have friends that just wanna do the same things. Which is fine, but I don’t want to do that every weekend or each time we’re together. And I have another friend who just goes to the same bar multiple times a week. No thanks Lol
I’ve had some luck going on my local subreddit and looking for friends. I’ve met with a handful of people. Some, just once. Even though we had fun, maybe neither of us really wanted to meet up again.
I met one person for tennis. Was great. We had plans to meetup again, but I had to reschedule coz of work. Haven’t seen her since. Which is fine. I did invite her again to do something else but she was working.
Another person, only once. We text and try to meetup but never works.
Luckily, I found a group to do boardgames with. My own personal friends have joined. But the people from Reddit, I have met 2-3 times already and we plan to keep going.
Just keep trying. I logged on Bumble BFF but never really bothered. I liked the Reddit way.
Keep in mind.. I used to feel like “I don’t need more friends.” But here I am.. making an effort to meet people and make more.
It’s honestly just part of life. Not everyone’s meant to be friends. Sometimes, even if the other person does want to meet up again, they’re just busy (ie. work, school, or even meeting other people). What I have learned is I try to rush relationships, this includes platonic relationships. It sounds like you might be doing that too? There’s nothing wrong with hanging out once a month with one person while you get to know them.
I’m with you on this one, bars tend to suck.
I’m a doer, I prefer to interact in doing things. It’s can be a boardgame or a project, but I’ve found shared activity is so much easier.
Hey I’m also 27F and feel exactly what you’re saying. I think we all have transitional periods where our needs, wants and interests change. Plus it feels hard being this age making new friends in general. What kinda stuff are you into?
I started distancing from my friends when I got tired of doing the same shit again and again! I’m too old for it.
I still love my friends but I just want to have a better purpose in life. I also tried bumble and it was similar to your experience. I started to do more stuff alone, it’s unnatural to make a genuine connection with someone nowadays. I’d say, fall in love with your own company and see what energy that attracts
Idk lol.
God this is relatable. Especially since the pandemic. All the friends I had are in other states. Sorry I have no advice but you aren’t alone in this boat!!!
I, 27M, can relate to this deeply.
I’ve been living in Brisbane, Australia, for the past 8 years (left south america when I was 18 for studies) and have transitioned through multiple friend groups.
Brisbane is a very ephemeral city, with many foreigners that come for only a few years and locals moving around. Most of my closest friends have moved away and I find myself in a position where I feel like I’m lacking deep connections, feel uncertain with the state of old connections, and have run out of steam to form new ones.
Working full time has made this even harder, as I typically simultaneously hold the emotions of just wanting to rest and recharge, and be social at the same time.
I have many acquaintances, but feel like I cannot connect deeply or feel truly comfortable with them. I don’t know if I:
– hold unrealistic expectations for the comfort and depth you get from human connection,
– haven’t found my people yet,
– am depressed and that’s keeping me from truly opening up.
Or a combination of all.
Anyways, thanks for reading this rant (if you did) and know that you’re not alone. Good luck in your journey 🙂
had this proble too. as soon as i stop caring and putting in effort in my friends, like they do, i lost them. now i learn how to be alone and accept the fact that real friendships are hard to find in 2022.