Sometimes I’ll think I’m making friends, but then the truth hits when I realize that they all just want something from me. They expect me to do favors such as buy alcohol for them or lend them my things, but will ghost me when they don’t need me anymore.
Every time I hit up one of my contacts asking if I want to hang out I’ll be left on read. At the very most I get one word answers that clearly show they have no interest in talking to me.
When I do manage to hang out with a group of people I will be ignored or they’ll use me as a punching bag for jokes. It hurts a lot, especially since I’ll end up being a fifth or even seventh wheel.
I’ve been bullied and ignored for the majority of my life, and it’s significantly affected the way I socialize with others.
When I’ve asked others what I need to improve, they don’t really say anything or tell me what my flaws are. They just say that I have the face of a serial killer or school shooter, and it makes them uncomfortable.
I smile and laugh just as much as everyone else, but I have a punchable face (even when relaxed) and can be quiet sometimes, so it makes people feel threatened.
What do I do?
8 comments
Try to make new friends. Sounds like your current ones are shitty.
Are you most meeting these people in school? Or at work?
Are there any hobbies or interests you have that would lead you to join local art clubs or jogging groups or book club meetings or volunteer organizations, etc… that might expose you to a whole different group or groups of people that might offer a more positive relationship?
Your friends don’t sound like friends at all. Sometimes it take a long journey to find good people that really click in your life.
How old is OP?
“They expect me to do favors such as buy alcohol for them or lend them my things, but will ghost me when they don’t need me anymore.”
Have you ever confronted them about this? I would suggest that you express yourself to them directly and then cut off all contact with them. Let them know that they’re pieces of shit and that you deserve respect.
You seem to have very low standards for friends. Your lack of self respect and unwillingness to stand up for yourself is probably giving them the all clear to mistreat you. Trust me, it’s better to be alone than with toxic assholes like these. Drop them immediately and do these following things:
If you’re not already in therapy, please get a therapist. There’s free ones, and they’re definitely worth the investment. Work through your childhood trauma, and challenge your negative self beliefs. Your ingrained sense of self is dysfunctional and you need to slowly change it.
Second of all you may want to give yourself a makeover. If you dress, wear your hair, or even smell a certain way it may give off a bad vibe. People are superficial creatures, and if you look a certain way it will affect the way people treat you.
Thirdly put your phone on a stand and pretend to talk to someone. Take a look at how you come off as. Do you stare intensely, walk in an awkward way, avoid eye contact, have any weird mannerisms? How do you sound when you talk to someone? What does your face look like mid-conversation?
It’s time for some self reflection.
be social by yourself
You just need to keep looking until you find your people.
I relate with you 100%. I’m a doctor, people use me a whole lot for free services, psychological help, relationship advice. I’m a therapist to some even though I’m not qualified to be one. These days it’s hard to make a friend without them asking “hey so sincerely we’re friends you’ll give me free medical advice, right?”