Disclaimer: English is not my first Language. This is happening outside of the US.
Hello Reddit, this is a probably gonna be a long one but please be patient with me. It is currently clouding my mind and I am unable to think of anything else.
I (33f) have a friend S (35f), which I got to know through the online Anime Community and when we met on a convention 12 years ago we became fast friends. She moved close to my hometown to study so we could meet up in person more often. A year before, I had gotten into a relationship with M (34m) and met his friends D, T and A (all 34m). S got to know them, too, when I invited them to an event in my city.
Back then it was kind of our plan to get S and A together, but instead she went for T, who was roommates with A at the time. Though while S and T officially were a couple, all they did together were bedroom sports and it was A that went on “friendly outings” with S. In the end, S broke up with T and got together with T, which make T dump the whole circle of friends and vanish into the unknown.
S and A were a couple for a long time and even moved in together after a few years and got a son (L5), despite there being a lot of complaints about the other on both sides. As M was best friends with A and I consider S to be my best friend, I got intel on both sides about the things that were going on and can say, that there is no party at fault, nor innocent. Even after M broke up with me last December, I stayed friends with A and listened to his worries as much as he listened to my venting about his best friend.
Tonight I had plans with S, which she cancelled and told me, that she and A are currently having a major argument about their relationship and life together. Of course, I have no place meddeling there aside from being a good friend and listen if they come to me to blow of steam, but I cannot help but ponder about all the things I heard and all the misunderstanding they never resolved.
And I am also holding back on so much to say, especially to S. She might be my best friend, but that is more because I only have one other friend aside from her and A. S and M had regular meeting to watch horror movies and series, while I was living further away to study. If it had only been watching those movies, it would have been fine, but M has the TV set up in the bedroom, so they wer lying in M and my bed (We lived togethr before) watching movies. And to top it all up, M massaged S while watching! While I trust them enough that nothing happened between them, I still lived 350km away from them and could hardly make any time to come home to see M. I was jealous! And of course, A was jealous as well! But they just brushed it off as if it was nothing. I felt so disrespected, and so did A.
Both A and S are my friends. I want the best for them, their son, but also for me. I want to help but cannot, especially since I hold my own resentments in there. Even though that resentment should be a thing of the past as the manipulative A-hole M is a thing of the past in my life. Is there any way for me to get my head out of this relationship mess?
TL:DR: Friends of mine who are a couple with a kid are having a huge fight and I struggle with wanting to help, yet knowing my place, but also holding on to old resentment.
1 comment
The only “help” you should be providing is by listening and telling them to talk to each other.
The boundaries that they have (or don’t have) in their relationship is entirely up to them. There is no “right” or “wrong” as long as they both agree.
If they can’t talk to each other about it and work it out themselves, their relationship is doomed.