tl;dr : Guy I’ve been dating broke up with me after a nice date and I can’t understand why.
Hey guys, I just got broken up with out of nowhere with someone I really liked, and I feel devastated. So I [21F] have been seeing this guy [20M] for 3-4 months, and he’s the first person I’ve ever had genuine chemistry with. We talked in depth about our favorite movies, shared the same sense of humor, and always expressed our affection to each other with soft kisses on the cheek or hand touches/hold. I always commented on how good he looked, and he would do the same. I’m a very sensitive but sincere girl, so he would always approach me with empathy and compassion — something that no one had done before — and my heart was overflowing with affection. I truly felt like I was falling in love with him, and all I wanted to do was make him happy.
There was just one problem, I was moving away to college. He mentioned long distance isn’t his thing, but I promised I would do my best to visit him frequently. He agreed, sounding a bit nervous and unsure.
Four days before I left, we scheduled a final “date” together. It wasn’t the last time I’d see him before I left, for he planned on sending me off on the last day.
We enjoyed ourselves at the park, having tons of fun. I felt pure bliss. Afterwards, we arrive at his place and things get intimate — which is nothing out of the ordinary, After a bit, I fell asleep for 10 minutes and when I awakened, he’s staring at his computer, looking really serious and aloof.
He tells me he feels dissatisfied, and I gently ask him to elaborate. He says he can’t figure out why, and that he doesn’t know what to do. As he keeps stumbling to find the words, it becomes clear he want to break up.
Despite being shocked, I understood. I care a lot about him, and his happiness is important to me. He looks guilty and sad, and I just hug him and tell him everything’s alright. By now, I’m crying, but I do my best to quickly wipe the tears away.
I do feel a bit disappointed that he broke up with me after the wonderful date and the intimacy, because he should’ve done that at the beginning. That did hurt. But I understood. He’s always been brutally honest with me, so I try to pry some answers.
I ask him why, and he himself seems so… baffled. He didn’t know how to respond. He went on about how amazing, beautiful, smart, I am (etc.) and it broke my heart even more.
I asked him if it was the long distance, and he said it wasn’t — because I was worth making that sacrifice, and that wasn’t the issue.
I felt broken-hearted, sad, and ultimately hurt. He turned down my proposals of working things out, and he said a break up was for the better. It was something so spontaneous, that even he couldn’t process it.
And things just… ended there.
I know someone’s entitled to want to break up whenever they want, but I feel like I’m missing closure and the abrupt decision to break up really stung.
Unfortunately, there’s a part of me that feels like i just wasn’t worth it for him, and maybe he just didn’t like me enough. It’s a hard pill to swallow — one that’ll surely harden my heart.
Holy crap this hurts.
8 comments
I’ve been with a 3 or 4 people who have said this exact same thing. “You’re everything I could ever want” blah blah blah but for some reason they feel like they can’t be in the relationship. What that really means is that they want to see someone else. In every one of my experiences, it was only a couple weeks before they were in another relationship. Sometimes, it just isn’t meant to be. The good news is, you’ll find someone new when you’re ready.
He told you he doesn’t do long distance.
It wasn’t the long distance, except it was. While you were worth the sacrifice for him, it was still a *sacrifice*. This last date probably didn’t feel as fun to him because there were other emotions – sadness, insecurity, dreading you leaving – and those aren’t emotions you want to feel in a new relationship. So no, it wasn’t the long distance itself – not being able to see you often – but the feelings it evoked. Even if those feelings might have vanished. After all, the long distance hadn’t even started yet and maybe he would have been fine – but the whole anxiety and now the sadness of goodbye was too much for him. He wanted to try, but the whole fact that the last date felt so different emotionally because it was the last date let him make that decision.
…Or at least that’s the best interpretation, in his favor. Every other possibility is a lot uglier. But in the end, it doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t change the end result. Hopefully, the new impressions of college will help you get over this pretty quickly.
>I was moving away to college. He mentioned long distance isn’t his thing
You wrote the reason yourself. This is the closure, too.
It doesn’t seem spontaneous at all. He said he didn’t want long distance. You just don’t want to accept it.
Not spontaneous, but jt still hurts. I hope you heal quickly
This exact same thing JUST happened to me too.
Ewww. He’s a jerk. He broke up with you 10 minutes after sex? He didn’t deserve tears and a hug, he deserved a kick to the nuts.
He doesn’t want to do long distance. He wants a girl nearby. He knew he was going to break up with you, he just was stringing you along until the last second.
He’s a coward and an a-hole. Go to school and never look back!