I haven’t talked to anyone about this without skipping over major details and making a joke out of it, but I genuinely this this experience has altered my sexuality forever.
I was dating a guy exactly a year ago, and a week in he was already talking about sex and how he wanted to do it next time we hung out. We were both virgins, so of course I was nervous about it, and I told him that it probably wouldn’t happen, but he insisted he could “change my mind”.
Maybe an hour after I got to his house I was sitting on top of him and we were talking. Not in a sexual way at all, I just wanted to be touching him and it was comfortable. And then he sprung the question. I kinda of gave half assed maybes for a few seconds before finally just saying no after he kept pressuring me. It seemed like it finally got to his head, but then he told me he at least wanted to show me the spot we could do it when I wanted to in the future. We were at his house while his parents were home, so he led me to a trailer in his backyard. I don’t know why I followed, I knew i didn’t want it, but I guess me going with him made him think I had changed my mind.
He opened the door to the trailer and it was pitch black inside. I stepped in , and he immediately shut the door behind me. I grabbed on to his arm because i was scared and he told me we would have to climb over some stuff in the trailer to get to the spot. After maybe a minute of heading deeper into the trailer, and climbing over things that were maybe 6 feet tall, I stumbled against a shitty mattress in the dark. And then he just whipped out his dick.
It’s really hard now to recall the specifics because I felt and still feel so violated. He told me to take off my clothes, and I felt so corned and scared in the cramped darkness, I said ok. He didn’t take it slow at all and ripped my vagina. Maybe a couple minutes into it, I thought to myself if I made the experience more intimate I would like it. I tried kissing him, but he turned his face away. I tried talking and he said nothing.
Afterwards I felt like I literally wanted to vomit from my vagina. i didn’t want any part of that in me.
I can’t tell if its from the experience, or if I always would have felt like this, but the fucking feeling of cum inside of me and leaking out has changed me. I have never felt more violated. I sat on the toilet for a long time afterwards and tried not to sob while I felt it run down my legs. I have never felt sexual attraction a man since. I think i’v liked guys? But never in a sexual way, just the feeling of wanting to be around them. I’v always been attracted to women, but now it feels like the only type of relationship I could feel happy in.
It feels like even when i’m not thinking about it, the moment still lingers in the back of my mind.
6 comments
I am so sorry but it really sounds like you were raped. You need to turn him in. What he did was completely unacceptable and he needs to be held accountable. I also recommend finding someone to talk to about this.
That is rape. You were raped. And worst part is it seems pre-meditated. Please report this.
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You said no after he was continually pressuring you. It sounds like it was definitely premeditated. When it comes to the law, your age at the time could also possibly be a factor. Regardless of that, this is still rape. I am so sorry this happened to you. If you ever feel like reaching out to someone, please feel free to message me. I am a survivor myself. Voicing out my experience, a combination of cbt and emdr therapy, as well as support from loved ones have been the biggest facets of my healing process. You’ve started yours by voicing your experience.
You might also want to check out the subreddit witchesvspatriarchy. They are extremely supportive.
Sorry to hear that story, it was rape.
Nah shorty, you were definitely raped. Call the police on his nasty ass ASAP