So, I’m in the same PhD cohort with this guy. And a couple days ago he messaged me about his birthday party coming up. He did say “feel free to come upstairs and hang out if you want to”, but the overall tone of his message made me feel like it was just out of politeness. He also didn’t specify the time (only said it would be on Saturday) and didn’t follow up at all, but I can hear them upstairs, so I assume it started.
I’m an international student from Europe whereas he’s an American, so I’m not 100% sure about birthday party etiquette here. I’m used to people being a little bit more direct. Am I correct in assuming that it wasn’t a real invitation? I’m pretty sure it is because I’m awkward and shy as hell and he barely talks to me, but I’m also worried that it might be rude to just sit in my room since I did say yes to his…invitation or whatever it was. Also, is it a bad idea to go and use the kitchen (it’s upstairs and they’re having the party in the living room next to it)? It’s like whatever I do, I’ll look bad…
Any advice will be appreciated
Edit: typos
5 comments
I would casually wander up and see what is going on. If you don’t feel comfortable just pop back downstairs.
It’s a genuine invite. And literally “feel free to pop by and hang out if you want.”
yes, he messaged out of politeness. he likely would not like hard feelings if you found out about it later, and that no one had told you
ideally, you’d have some trivial but thoughtful gift to give him as a birthday gift, or, just show up (if you enjoy social settings)
if you’re readily able to reply, you could remark that you appreciate the offer (and say nothing further, your absence or presence would speak for itself)
I feel since he barely talks to you, he didn’t know how you’d feel about being invited to parties so he was just being polite. Like my friend says “just breeze in and breeze out.” If you’re not feeling the party.
Your roomate is a cunt